It’s finally real

I’ve known my mom has dementia for at least a few years but we finally got the official Alzheimer’s diagnosis a couple months ago. I moved her into an assisted living community a little over a year ago because it wasn’t safe at home but we were dancing around the dementia issue and focusing on getting her heathy otherwise. Because maybe other issues were contributing, right? We did discover another medical issue but that’s being handled with meds and confirmed that it’s not a contributing factor. So then it was about a routine and proper care. Explaining that she needs prompting to go to meals because her understanding of time or day vs. night is nonexistent. And she needs prompting to take a shower and set out clothes for the next day. What’s the plan? How do we make the care better? And on and on.

Then yesterday happened. They were doing a Christmas lunch at her place and I went early to make sure she was up and dressed. She was very agitated and said something about a lot going on. A little while later I said it was time to go down to meet her sister and she said no. She was even more physically agitated and said again something about a lot going on down there. Then it dawned on me…she had gone down earlier and saw all the setting up and commotion. And I’m sure she tried to go sit at her regular table and they told her we were sitting somewhere else. It was outside of her routine and she wasn’t going to be able to “hide” her memory issues. So I said it was okay and she didn’t have to go.

We brought up a plate for her later and she was laying on her side in bed, half curled up, no blanket on. I’ve never seen her look so vulnerable. I couldn’t do anything about it. And there’s nothing else to do moving forward either really. We discussed options with her doctors and there really aren’t any at this stage. We’re just now along for this crappy ride. Logically I knew this was happening and what was coming but it hit like a sledgehammer yesterday and in the quiet this morning I can’t stop crying. Both of us extremely strong women and now we’re just left vulnerable. Anyway thanks for listening/reading.