Alone This Holiday?
I am just curious how many others of you are spending holidays alone. Our children’s rotation is to in-laws this year. We normally get an invitation from friends to at least one holiday gathering but no invitations this year. I can’t help but conclude that it is because we are becoming more and more isolated because of DH’s ALZ. It is even more interesting to note that not a single holiday card has come even though I sent a few. I suppose I am toe dipping in the pity pond but it does make me sad.
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My DH and I will likely be alone on Christmas, unless I cook up a storm, and start inviting people over. I am just not up to it as my Dh's behavior is so unpredictable. The pandemic toughened me up. We spend a couple of holidays alone. Doesn't seem like a big deal. If I can get out of the house for a short time I plan on going for a walk.
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Dear @WIGO23
Sorry about the holiday. We are having 2 friends over - both would be home alone on Christmas. Both are bringing sides and I am doing the entree, one veg, and dessert - what I would probably do anyway.
Perhaps you have a friend or neighbor who would like to come over for dessert later Christmas Day? I try to think of others who would want to be able to see you and your DH for a short period of time. They could say their goodbyes on their terms and not be ‘stuck’ with me and my DH at their place if things got awkward. And of course, they could decline the invitation but offer to get together after the new year. That way the door is open.
I hope you do have a peaceful holiday.
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Zero invites zero cards. My DH swore up and down he wanted to go to the beach where we got married for Christmas. I booked it against my better judgement and of course he doesn’t want to go. So now I’m too bummed to put up decorations and want no parts of Christmas other than to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And then today he said to me “ I’d rather be in a nursing home then here with you.” My heart hurts but I’ll make him prime rib for Christmas Eve and ham for Christmas along with all the extras and we will be alone. My one joy left is cooking but now I have no one to cook for. He will sit in one room and me in the other. @WIGO23 I’m firmly planted in the center of a pity party…. I’m sorry💜
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At least you and I know that our paths this holiday are similar. Somehow it makes me feel less alone. How about you?
Thank you. Unfortunately, there is simply no one locally I know of who doesn’t have plans. Our circle of friends (more accurately described as acquaintances) is quite small since we moved here 1 1/2 years ago. We had two invitations last year but those folks have drifted away. The only real friend I know who is also alone is 600 miles away. Sometimes life just keeps slapping you with challenges in spite of your best efforts.
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We’ll be spending Christmas alone at our home of 25 + years. I have no family and my closest friend died several years ago. I have friends that I see weekly however not the close type to share holidays with. My husband’s nearest family is his son’s family. My stepson, DIL, their 2 children live a couple of hours away. We do visit a few times a year and it’s always loud and chaotic- the kids are 5 and 7 ish. My stepson’s MIL and his 2 SIL also live in his home. They’re all awesome people, just too many at this stage.
Not only am I not up to driving 4 hours round trip, I will actually prefer the quiet at home.
Invitations: 0. Christmas cards: 4… my dog’s vet, my financial advisor, my SIL, and my ex-husband (friendly divorce, he’s happily married).
Yes, also firmly planted in my pity party and lonely. Thank goodness for my German Shepherd.9 -
We will be alone. My husband cannot travel to see our children and grandchildren. One lives on the east coast of the US and we are on the west coast. Our other child lives 7 hours away near my 95 year old mother. I miss seeing everyone. The kids have traveled to see us before but their jobs and lives are busy and it’s not easy getting to our remote area.
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Join us @trottingalong. We can lift each other up for Christmas.
Hugs to you and DH 💝
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We have an apartment in a city where our kids live about 350 miles from home. Long story but we got it about 2 years ago to be closer to kids. Nothing went as planned so we spend most of our time at home and I won’t renew the lease coming up. But we’re here for Christmas and honestly I don’t know why. We just went over to one daughter’s house for all of about 10 minutes before DWs agitation made me take her back to the apartment. It’s going to be this way the whole trip. And one daughter didn’t even want to have a day together with everyone until she got told otherwise. The reality is it’s just about getting through each day with the minimal amount of pain possible. Even trying to have someone over for a cup of coffee is a losing proposition. I too felt abandoned by everyone including family in the beginning. But now, it’s more effort than it’s worth to have anyone over including family.
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No invitations here, either. So, I invited by Brother and SIL with AD to have grilled steak and baked potatoes on Christmas with me and my DH with AD. My DH decorated Christmas card with diamond dots and I must have mailed about 70 cards. He only received about 15-20, including my dog's vet. ;)
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I thought it might make me feel better knowing DH and I are not the only ones on the forum alone for the holidays. It hasn’t. It makes me somehow sadder knowing so many good, caregivers are not able to either find a comfortable place to be or were not even given an opportunity to try. But with that said, I hope all of us find a way to be as positive as we can.
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I'm not sure it ever feels better that others deal with the same issues... it just feels less alone.
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We will be alone this Christmas, again. I try to make the best of it. I put up my Christmas village and nativity scene. I have a Christmas centerpiece that lights up and plays carols as well as battery operated candles on the table. We watch football and I send e-cards for Christmas. It's not the same as the big pine tree with all the beautiful specialty ornaments and the family gathering here for steak, eggs and Kringle on Christmas morning but our lives have changed so drastically since DH got sick. My expectations are lower, I am thankful I still have my health, I talk to God a lot more and I try to make the best of this rotten situation. I Remer the reason we have Christmas and will celebrate the importance of that. I am going to reach out here on Christmas and hope to connect with others who are in a similar situation. I wish you all moments of peace for yourselves and your loved ones.
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Tomorrow is our anniversary (61 years). We have someone visiting who has no idea that it is our anniversary. My DW barely knows that it is our anniversary. Today was a poor memory day. (After seeing a text from her sister, she asked me if I knew who she is.) Our anniversary, our son's birthday, my DW's birthday and our deceased daughter's birthday all roll around Christmas and New Year's. The last few years at Christmas we have not been alone as in absence of others around us, but we are certainly alone to each other. The void of connection with my DW shouts loudly for me this season.
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”we are certainly alone to each other” resonates with me in many ways. We also had our wedding anniversary two weeks ago—53 years. DH was oblivious and I let it pass uncelebrated. It just feels like our marriage is so changed it really doesn’t exist in a way to be celebrated. It hurts to look back at what was as well as to look forward to what will be. Others may feel differently but ignoring that day was the only way for me to cope.
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Our friends visit was a wonderful way to celebrate our anniversary. When I was on a quick shopping trip this morning while DW was at exercise I picked up a small mini roses plant and brought it home. (DW asked me to remind her who brought the plant an hour later). However, the friend noticed it and asked about it, so we told her it was for our anniversary — she was shocked. Conversation opened up looking at our wedding picture, a picture of us 30 years later, a picture at our daughter's wedding 7 years ago, and today's version of us. It was good for DW and I to be able to have that opportunity with this friend. A real blessing.
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I am always the entertainer, never the entertained.
This year, with mom's unpredictable conversations & behaviors, along with my failing health, Christmas Eve finds me in bed crying. Silently wondering why I was never notified when my last family Christmas would be. I swear I would have taken more pictures, made more memories, and treasured it, alas, it seems to have come & gone. Tomorrow, I will pick up the remnant of my mother & bring her home to eat vegetable lasagna & garlic bread.
No calls, one card, and no invites. I wish I could sleep through tomorrow & wake up on Friday
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Hugs to you JulietteBee. So many things we don't know will be the last until "we" acknowledge it.
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Good morning to all,
These days I watch recorded Mass online because DH is unpredictable and I don’t know if I will make it to church or not. I offered Christmas Mass for each and every one of us and our loved ones. I believe God will look down on us today and help us make it through ‘just another day’ with a bit more grace and determination. You and your LO may be the only ones in the house, but you are not alone - we are all thinking of each other and sending love.
Peace be with all of you!
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Dear Friends,
I woke up thinking about all of you this morning. I am praying you can find some joy and peace today.
With love,
Gram
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Wishing peace to all the earthly angels who are here supporting and caring for their loved ones. How very much you are appreciated for your courage and your shared experiences. You have helped me in countless ways. Thank you.
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I suspect many caregivers on this forum feel alone, even though their spouse will be with them. Lucky for me, we live near one of our daughters and will be with her and the grandkids for the day. But after returning home, I confess I will be alone even with my wife by my side. Alone seems to be the theme this year.
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Wishing you all peace this Christmas day. As one person wrote, we never know when it will be our last dealing with our current situations. Praying foe strength, patience and hope for all my online friends.
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My husband seems to have no awareness that today is Christmas. Feeling very alone and lonely but looking for moments of joy nonetheless. The rain let up a bit and my dog and I walked on our property and did some cleanup in my veggie garden. And just now the sun is trying to break through the clouds.
Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, or as in my case, moments of joy.
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My heart goes out to every caregiver here on the forum and beyond. I know you are trying your best (as I am ) to accept our biggest life challenge and find your way through the holidays as best you can.
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Love to all of you this Christmas. I hope that some sliver of joy makes it through the heartache of caring for someone with dementia. For those who believe, i hope that the entrance into the world of Christ in frail human form reminds us that God is truly with us in our struggle. For EVERYONE, I wish you peace.
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Well said psg712
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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