Getting lost while driving

keywest · December 2025

Husband got lost for 2.5 hours the other day while driving to a nearbypark that hes been to a thousand times. Since then I have discouraged him from driving and now hes just really mad at me. I just don't know how to handle this.

sandwichone123 · December 2025

Driving is one of the most difficult challenges families face. You are wise to keep him from doing so, as it can be dangerous to the public, to him, and to your shared finances. The key is to make it seem to be not your fault. The best outcome is a situation in which he's not driving, and you can be on his side, commiserating with him that "the car is in the shop" or "they" withdrew his license, or "the car won't start" even though you are the person that disconnected the battery, sold the car or moved it to a friend's house, or reported his inability to the licensing authority.

Chance Rider · December 2025

@keywest I’m glad you found this community of caring individuals who likely have experienced what you’re going through.

If your husband has a diagnosis of ALZ/dementia your insurance may be void if he’s in an accident, which could jeopardize you financially. Also, in my state it’s a requirement that doctors must notify the department of motor vehicles of the diagnosis. Having your husband’s doctor tell your husband that he shouldn’t be driving could take the “blame” off of you. My husband’s neurologist has been helpful with tackling similar issues. My husband listens to them more readily than to me.

It’s not easy and my husband spends a good amount of time being angry with me. I’m sorry you’re in the position of needing to be here but you’re in a “safe” place for asking questions. Best to you.

H1235 · December 2025

Welcome. You have been given great advice. We were very lucky that mom’s neurologist told her she should not drive. Even then she was very grumpy about it. I would recommend that you NOT confront him about this. It will not go well. Do what needs to be done behind the scenes to keep him from driving. Only you will know what might work. You have been given some good ideas, but I’ll throw a few more out there. Maybe one of your children need to borrow his car for some reason, hide the keys (go so far as to help him look for them), or have the car disabled in some way “then have it taken to the repair shop”. Anything that gets the car out of his sight might work better, it could be more likely he will forget about it (hopefully), maybe there is a recall and it need to go to the shop for repair. I know this all sound horrible and dishonest, but consider the anger and anxiety he would be feeling if you told him he couldn’t drive. A fib might ease this a bit. This will probably be a big issue for a while. This isn’t just you fibbing so he won’t be mad at you. There is so much more too it. You are his caregiver, his advocate, his protector. He needs to trust you. Having anger over the car pointed directly at you would not be good for him, you or the care you need to provide him.

MaryMN · January 1

It would be great if you can get his doctor to tell him that he should no longer drive, but I would suggest talking to the doctor beforehand to make sure he/she will back you up.

I informed DH's neurologist at his last appointment that, after noticing many changes and decline, the family had told DH that he should no longer drive and that DH was abiding by those wishes, albeit unhappily. To my shock, the neurologist's reply was "That's not fair," and he insisted DH undergo additional neuro psych testing before being told he shouldn't drive. Unfortunately, such appointments were being scheduled several months out.

Luckily, DH abided by our wishes and agreed not to drive while waiting for the evaluations. Unsurprisingly, the assessment ended up confirming the changes the family was seeing and stated that DH is not safe to drive. It was nice to have confirmation, but imo the neurologist should have backed up the family that sees the PWD every day and knows their abilities instead of giving DH false hope.

SDianeL · January 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262283#Comment_262283

I think I would have found a new Neurologist.

JulietteBee · January 1

@MaryMN, what I have come to realize from my DM's PCP is that they do not want to lose a patient.

Similar to how we don't want to endure our loved one viewing us as the villain, my mom's PCP told me that there would be NO way he would report her condition to the DMV. I needed mom to stop driving. Like everyone else, I wanted that suggestion to come from outside the family, so I asked him. He basically told me, nope, not doing it.

God works in mysterious ways. My mom temporarily went blind in one eye. In the 3 months of her acute vision loss, I was able to use it as reason for her to stop driving.

@keywest, you did the right thing. The irony of a dementia diagnosis is than in a few weeks/months, your husband will no longer remember the car, his anger, or even the reason he stopped driving. If/when he next asks about driving, you can tell him it was a decision you both had previously discussed, which is true. 🫂

Bailey's Mom · January 1

I worked with my HWD's PCP on the driving issue and she handled it beautifully…explained that his reaction time was a little slow and that he should stop driving and use me as his 'uber' just to be safe. He agreed so cheerfully that I was suspicious. The next day he said that he was driving his van on an upcoming trip (our last one). When I mentioned the drs visit (just one day before) he became furious and said I was lying and stupid for not understanding what she had said, etc, etc. He didn't drive on the way to the resort (1 1/2 hrs in which time he had a total meltdown), but when we were leaving to drive home he went into a complete tantrum and told me to get out of his van and that he was driving if he wanted to…he did drive for about an hr and then said I could take over (I think because he couldn't remember where he lived and how to get there). My car has a manual 5 speed transmission and he can't figure out how to shift it, so as long as we don't drive his van it isn't an issue. This is such a tough one to navigate…good luck to you…so far I have failed to work it out.

harshedbuzz · January 1

@JulietteBee said: "you did the right thing. The irony of a dementia diagnosis is than in a few weeks/months, your husband will no longer remember the car, his anger, or even the reason he stopped driving. If/when he next asks about driving, you can tell him it was a decision you both had previously discussed, which is true."

That was not my experience. For many men of my dad's generation, driving is a totem of masculinity. While we were fortunate that dad's neurologists both took one for the team allowing us to remain dad's ally and validate his anger at the unfairness of it, he didn't forget. He didn't recall whether he'd eaten or recognize my husband of 30+ years, but he remembered his doctor took away his license. The very last conversation I ever had with the man was about me bringing his car to the MCF in case he needed to go somewhere. At this point, I was able to ask which one he wanted and said I would bring when I next visited. This was less than 8 hours before he died.

@keywest— We found the best way to tamp down dad's desire to drive was to remove his vehicle. We still heard about driving but not 24/7 as we had previously. I've heard of spouses replacing a car with a newer model that has a keyless ignition that their DH was unfamiliar with.

HB

Michele P · January 1

You have gotten excellent advice. He has to stop driving immediately. I would start with the neurologist and request that he or she reports that your husband should not be driving. You can also contact motor vehicle and give them the diagnosis. They will revoke his license. If he gets in an accident, your insurance company will not cover it, and you will get sued for everything you own. He will be considered at fault whether it is his fault or not because he should not be driving. For the safety of your husband and others, please, do this immediately.

wose · January 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262342#Comment_262342

@harshedbuzz …. Just to comment on your post. My DH hasn’t been driving for quite sometime now, but every morning “Could I have the keys to the SUV”. He flips then forgets only momentarily. Last night he tried to con the paramedics into asking me for the keys. He was fully prepared to drive in 5 inches of snow. The paramedics were having difficulty. He will never forget about driving…I’m pretty certain ☹️

Lgb35 · January 4

driving has been a hot button issue at our house as well. DH is 62 and still working so this presents own challenges regarding driving. We have discussed this with the neurologist and our primary care doctor. DH is very reluctant to listen.

I had to report him to the DMV behind his back. He got a letter in the mail with several medical sheets to be completed by a physician. Our primary doctor is having me bring DH into the office in a week. I think he is going to tell DH he won’t pass the driving test and he needs to willingly give up the license so we don’t have to revoke it. I know this has to be done but it was extremely difficult to make this decision.

I worry he will continue to try and drive even if his license is revoked. I am setting up an irrevocable trust to protect our assets from his stubborn behavior and it will help with Medicaid coverage down the road.

The next few weeks are going to be stressful. I am confident his license will be revoked very soon which means he will be forced to retire. Once he retires he will be home all day. I work from home so that will be an adjustment

JDancer · January 4

Before retiring I cared for a hospitalized patient after a car accident. She was in the early stages. She left home, 200 miles away, and kept driving until her accident. Fortunately, no one was killed.

Michele P · January 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262579#Comment_262579

We were advised by our trust attorney to take out a 2 million dollar umbrella policy to protect us in the event of an accident.

HollyBerry · January 5

I remember the absolute terror when I realized my partner had gone out to do an errand IN THE MORNING and had not been home all day; it was 8pm, I had gone straight from work to a volunteer thing and never even knew there was a problem. Luckily, she was as terrified as I was and held onto that for quite a while. We tried various things, tracking her phone with the ipad, Tile on her key ring, etc and even when they tested her driving skills (passed, twice) and her primary put restrictions on her driving so she could continue to drive a few miles from home, it was scary. It's still hard. She hasn't driven in 3 years and still tells me she wants to drive her car, and micromanages my driving to "prove" she would be capable of doing it herself. No way.

Chance Rider · January 5

Four years ago I told my husband he had to quit driving due to having 4, yes 4, minor car accidents. At that time I didn’t suspect ALZ, just chalked it up to poor judgment. Now I recognize that the poor judgment was likely due to early loss of executive function. He adapted well to me doing all the driving, however this past Halloween he told his adult son that he could still drive. This concerned me because I was afraid he’d try when I wasn’t home. I was going to fib and say I needed his keys to my truck as I’d “lost” mine. Imagine my complete surprise the other day when he handed me the keys on his own saying the dealership had given them to him when we bought the truck. I’m not even sure he knows they’re the keys he’d need to start the truck. So grateful that I was able to avoid a confrontation.

This post has very little relevance other than letting me acknowledge a win.

Chance Rider · January 5

@Lgb35 Hoping for the best outcome for you. Kudos to you for taking action with what is often a very difficult situation. Long before any experience with aging or dementia I always thought loss of the ability to drive equalled loss of independence.

Getting lost while driving

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