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DH is now at peace

annie51
annie51 Member Posts: 629
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I lost my DH of 38 years today. I was visiting him at MC as I did every day, and he was a little more aware of me and walking a little better than he has been of late so we were having a good visit. Gave me a kiss, responded “I love you too” when I told him I loved him. The nurse saw him walking with me and stopped to tell me what a good morning he had. As she and I were talking he took a few more steps then fell backwards to the floor. Before the paramedics could get him onto the gurney he stopped breathing. He died at the hospital after I gave the word that he had a DNR order. I was holding his hand when he passed. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to tell the ER not to do everything they could…why was I hesitating? You’re never really prepared for this, are you? But this was such a blessing for him to pass before getting deep into Stage 7.
Thank you to all of you who have helped me through this journey. I don’t know how I would have handled the last couple of years without you all.

Comments

  • tonyac2
    tonyac2 Member Posts: 248
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    Dear @annie51 I’m so sorry for your loss. No, I don’t think anyone is really prepared for this. You had a good visit with him. I hope those memories are a comfort for you. Prayers, so sorry.

  • WIGO23
    WIGO23 Member Posts: 282
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    My hope is that your memories will sustain you through your grief. Please know that all of us here care.

  • Chance Rider
    Chance Rider Member Posts: 277
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    @annie51 I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. What a blessing that you had a good visit and that he was able to express his love for you.

  • wose
    wose Member Posts: 366
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    I’m so very sorry @annie51 … thank goodness you were there with him with words of love and comfort. That means so much. Praying for you and hoping precious memories will bring you peace.

  • Gator1976
    Gator1976 Member Posts: 103
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75006/dh-is-now-at-peace

    So sorry to hear this. We all will experience this in “the end”. We all have these stories. Of a sudden awakening of their mind. Be unusually aware, communicative, cognizant of who you are and where they are. I believe it’s God’s Way of letting them say good bye one last time. Both my mother and mother in law did this within 90 minutes of their passing and my mother in law, 2 weeks after her 90th birthday celebration.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,237
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75006/dh-is-now-at-peace

    I’m so sorry for your loss. No we are never prepared for stage 8. Making the decision to DNR is the most unselfish thing you could have done for him. We want them to stay but we don’t want them to suffer any longer. So glad you had a pleasant last visit and that his words were of his love for you.. May your husband rest in peace. Cherish the beautiful memories you made together. Hugs. 🙏💜

  • Vitruvius
    Vitruvius Member Posts: 459
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    My sincere condolences. Peace and strength in the days ahead. I truly believe this is better than a long decline to the bitter end of Stage 7.

  • Nowhere
    Nowhere Member Posts: 311
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    I can imagine how shocked you must have felt with his sudden collapse and soon later failing to breath. His ability to let you know he loved you is a beautiful, lasting, gift. You acted selflessly when you relayed the info regarding his DNR, preventing any more pain and complications from this dreaded disease. I’m so sorry for your loss of your sweet husband. May he rest in peace and may you also be at peace knowing you were there for him through the very end.

  • jgreen
    jgreen Member Posts: 323
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    Dear @annie51

    So very sorry for your great loss. May perpetual light shine upon your dear husband, and may he rest in peace. Good that you were with him to the end. This is true love!

    God bless you.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 6,393
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    @annie51

    I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband. Wishing you peace and strength in the days ahead.

    HB

  • CindyBum
    CindyBum Member Posts: 702
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    Oh, Annie51. I’m so sorry you lost your love. Sending you love and wishes for peace.

  • Kat63
    Kat63 Member Posts: 214
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    So sorry for the loss of your husband. What a blessing to have had the good visit with him before he passed. Sending wishes for comfort and peace to you in the days ahead.

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 350
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75006/dh-is-now-at-peace

    Very sorry for your loss. I can appreciate all your mixed feelings about the DNR and having to no to possible life saving treatment. That is my nightmare. I wish you peace and pray that you find it.

  • cdgbdr
    cdgbdr Member Posts: 303
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.

  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 355
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    My deepest sympathy for you. I am glad you were with him at the end, you both were able to express your love for each other and you got that one final moment together. I pray you will remember all the good times spent together before dementia crept in. Wishing you peace and strength in the journey ahead.

  • Call me Gram
    Call me Gram Member Posts: 141
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    So sorry for your loss 💔

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 808
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    So very sorry. I’m glad you had a good last visit together. Hugs for your heart for following the DNR. He will now rest in peace. Peace to you and your family.

  • White Crane
    White Crane Member Posts: 1,164
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    i’m so sorry for the loss your husband may find peace in the coming days and be comforted knowing he is no longer suffering.

  • Goodlife2025
    Goodlife2025 Member Posts: 310
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    So sorry for your loss but also glad you did not have to take that long long journey into stage 7 and he was able to express his love one last. May Peace be yours……

  • Jim9191
    Jim9191 Member Posts: 4
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    edited January 5

    I’m so sorry for you loss. It is wonderful that you were both able to express your love for each other, Hope that memory gives you peace and joy .

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 909
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be comforted in knowing that you did your best to the very end, and that he's now in a better place. No more suffering for both. May you find peace and joy again in the days ahead.

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 682
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    Very sorry to hear. May his memory be a blessing to you.

  • Metta
    Metta Member Posts: 119
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    Wishing you peace in grieving. My DH passed two weeks ago. I keep waiting for the “stages of grief” and so far just feel indescribable sadness and fear of life without him. I hope you will be strong and surrounded by love from those around you.

  • jgreen
    jgreen Member Posts: 323
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262878#Comment_262878

    So very sorry, @Metta May he rest in peace. And may you find comfort and peace as you move into the next phase. You are an amazing caregiver!

    Hugs and prayers 💝🙏

  • marier
    marier Member Posts: 144
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    My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear husband. What a loving and very hard thing to say DNR. I am so glad you had such a wonderful visit with him and were able to be with him as he passed. I am sending you my heartfelt prayers for peace and comfort in the days ahead.

  • ladyzetta
    ladyzetta Member Posts: 1,368
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    edited January 7

    Dear Annie. I'm so sorry for the passing of your DH, may he rest in peace. You had a beautiful last few minutes with yo DH. Now its time for you to take good care of yourself. Hugs Zetta

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 435
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    Please accept my sympathies at your loss.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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