dont know where to start

chandra · January 4

Hello, I am currently taking care of my 89 year old father. He moved into my in-law unit in my backyard about 10 years ago. He lost all his savings, property and retirement in some bad business decisions. About a year and a half ago he started having short term memory problems. Asking me the same thing over and over again. His GP said this was pretty normal for someone his age. His symptoms are now getting worse and I'm doing his laundry, shopping, cleaning his cottage and making him one meal a day. He can still use the restroom and remembers to eat when hungry. I asked his GP if I could get him evaluated and he gave me the test to give him and at that time he did ok. But now he gets confused and doesn't know where he is. We have no money to put him in memory care and Im not sure if that would even be appropriate. But I'm feeling very overwhelmed and need help of some kind. Any tips would be appreciated. Thank you.

H1235 · January 4

Welcome. The quick in office test moms pcp gave her showed no problems. I insisted she needed a referral. After a long 2 hour neurology exam and testing we were told she was not safe to live alone an shouldn’t drive. The quick test means nothing! Have other possible causes been ruled out. At 89, Im not sure if the neurologist is necessary. Just my personal opinion. I will attach a staging tool that may help you with where he is at and what things might be symptoms. Notice it gives some caregiving advice for each stage. It’s about so much more than memory. If he is to a point that he doesn’t know where he is, it’s not safe for him to continue living alone even with some help from you. He could wander off, try to cook something and burn the house down, he may decide he is perfectly fine to change a lightbulb himself and fall, this list could go on and on. You need to keep him safe. Do you have a durable power of attorney? He needs to understand what he is signing. If money is an issue you will probably want to apply for Medicaid. Unfortunately in most states Medicaid will only cover a nursing home. I will attach some information by state. There is so much to do in the beginning. My advice is learn all you can.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/

pamu · January 5

Before my mother went to MC, she was enrolled in a Medicaid program offered through the state of New Hampshire (Choices for Independence) that offered aide visits. When she first went on the program she had someone come twice a week for 3 hours to help. As she progressed her coverage was bumped up to every day for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours afternoon. Check with your state’s Medicaid Dept or Dept of Aging to see if there is a similar program. This may help you fill in some of the care gaps. If not, they may be able to steer you toward other resources.

SDianeL · January 5

Sorry about your Dad. After you use the tools H1235 posted the links to above, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. They are very helpful. Medicare doesn’t cover long term care. Medicaid would if he qualifies. Caring for someone with memory loss is stressful and exhausting. Soon he may become incontinent and bedridden and require 24/7 care. So having a plan is important.

dont know where to start

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