Forward Planning

MrLiam · January 8

My wife is in her 8th year of diagnosis and lately has been slipping more and more. At some point, she will need more care than I can give, first in-home and then who knows? I will need to sell our house, which also involves getting rid of both valuable and kitschy possessions gathered over the last half century. How have people on this site drafted a plan when they don't know what the timing is? We've done most of the legal work, so we don't need that.

Jgirl57 · January 8

My thoughts go to a former member here. (Tool belt expert) TBE sold his home after he placed his DW and bought a new place closer to where she was placed. He believed she would be in the memory care for quite a while , but she passed not much after . ( I hope I summed it up correctly) There is just no way of knowing. What I am doing is slowly getting rid of excess stuff and I decluttered while my DH was in a 30 day respite placement. Since you think you might need to sell your home, start with the basics of parting with excess. It is all so hard.

BPS · January 8

If you are thinking about selling the house to have money for MC check with a lawyer because in the state I am in you can own a house and it doesn't count toward Medicaid but if you sell the house then the money has to be spent down to qualify for Medicaid. I think you can sell the house after she is on Medicaid without affecting anything.

Call me Gram · January 9

I'm not very far into the process yet, as we are not far along in this journey, but one thing that is helping me already is breaking my tasks into concrete steps instead of a timeline.

First, I made a simple inventory of the house… with a list of which rooms to prioritize. Then, I've been working on a room or area, one at a time. I keep a box handy, filling it as I find things we don't want or need anymore. (I have learned to be a bit ruthless when it comes to getting rid of things.) When I have a moment, I move to the next room/area on my list. Once I have a box full of unwanted items, I drop the box off at our local donation center. To me, the time and stress it would take to sell my items is not worth it. That said, in the past I have taken valuable items to a resale shop. I prefer a shop that will just pay me for my things, rather than consigning them and having the funds trickle in slowly.

It will likely be years before we need to sell the house, but the off-loading of our unneeded belongings has been a bit therapeutic. I have drawers and closets in my house that are actually empty! It certainly makes cleaning much easier.

I hope this helps.

SDianeL · January 9

welcome. Tough question. Some people with dementia only live 3-5 years after diagnosis. Some live as long as 25 years. What stage is your wife in? There is no way to know how long you have. So I wouldn’t wait. I thought I had more time. I placed my DH in memory care in Dec 2023 and he passed in August 2024. If you need the money from the sale of the house to pay for her care, then I would sell it sooner than later. Research facilities, read reviews, choose 3 to tour and get her on their waiting list. Where will you live? Nearby? Some memory care facilities have Assisted Living wings where you can spend time with her yet live separately. There is no right or wrong answer for this heart wrenching decision. 💜

Lgb35 · January 9

I am going through the house and purging things he can get into. I am trying very hard to not have things around that will make him ask 50 questions about everything he sees

BikingOldMan · January 10

I seem to run hot and cold with this. We have too much stuff and between my son, DW and I have been picking away at the "stuff" very slowly. DW is more hinderance than help but it is important to her to be included (she says). Items she wants to keep often make no sense at all, but at her stage that is not surprising. We've lived in this home some 35 years, and accumulated much that is of no value to our grandkids or of interest to our son. It is the status of these accumulated goods that often times puts me into panic about "running out of time"! I believe there is no right or wrong way to deal with the situation, only do as you are comfortable with at the time, and at a pace that allows you to make good decisions, and trust that it will all work out.

persevere · January 10

It's heartbreaking to see people having to sell or consider selling their homes in order to pay for MC although I know it is not uncommon. I guess it all depends on your situation. I too considered this but it was to be closer to our kids and then potentially for MC for DW. I was petrified to move. We've built this house 35 years ago. And I had just retired. Lots of stress. So we got an apartment close to the kids but kept the house. I'm so glad we did. The kids have their own lives. And although the apartment was very nice it isn't like having your own home. And DW hardly knows who the kids are and doesn't ask for them anymore. MrLiam, I don't know your particular situation but if you're able, get some part time help and start looking into hospice if you haven't already. Also, perhaps a reverse mortgage might be a good option if you want to stay in your home. Also, there are trusts that can be set up in order to qualify for medicaid. I'm not exactly sure how they work and I don't know if they're subject to the 5 yr lookback but it might be worth looking into. The lawyers know all the tricks. However, medicaid only pays for nursing homes I believe. Not MC (don't hold me to this).

Lgb35 · January 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/263078#Comment_263078

you need to talk to an elder care attorney now to get plans that will prevent you from having to sell your home. You can find out what assets you can keep and still qualify for Medicaid in your state. There are also look back periods if you need to shield assets in a trust so the sooner the better.

harshedbuzz · January 10

To those of you contemplating the sale of your home to fund MC:

YOU CAN'T NOT AFFORD TO SEE AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY.

HB

trottingalong · January 10

I agree with @harshedbuzz. Don’t sell your home without understanding if you even need to. I’m 69, my husband is almost 82. I will not sell the home I love, leave the place I love to move closer to my kids who have full lives of their own. I’ve read too many stories from those that sold everything, moved to find a place for their terminally ill spouse closer to family (who never end up being able to help), left their friends and life, ending up with many regrets, including being financially impaired. Please speak with an attorney.

Forward Planning

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories