Laundry addiction

Pmmommie · January 11

Quite unique and bothersome issue here. Dad;s currently in AL and I'[m looking for an open and reputable vetran friendly MC. He has been in MC for 18 months.

He is addicted to doing the residents' laundry. He's claiming that he has been given this job by management/front office. He has gotten so bad that his private aides are being forced into sitting in the laundry room with him. They each try to have him do different activites or tasks and he's determined to keep up the laundry room and continue to do every piece of laundry. I go to visit and to take him out and it depends on the laundry that needs to be done.

Here's the problem: Residents and their families are complaining about wrong laundry sitting in front of their doors sitting in their laundry baskets. Missing laundry is also an issue. I have to go thru his closets and drawers once a week and sort thru making sure everything is his. He has missed appointments and family events and such due to his laundry"work" schedule.

Nothing I can do or say stops him. Residents families can complain to him and ask him to leave their alundry alone and he ignores them. I can't take my laundry out every day just to keep him busy. I've repeatedly told him that the night crew is responsoible for doing resiidents' laundry sittin goutside their doors and they have to account for it. He responds with it's his job and mananagement hasn't told him otherwise (although they have attempted to give him other tasks). He says it's his responsibilty and it's expected of him.

Is there anything I can do? If I ask them to lock the door, the other esidents capable of doing their laundry can't get in. And his medication has been adjust to help with the sundowning and his nightime activity. I'm at my breaking point.

H1235 · January 11

I have a different twist on the laundry problem. When I went to visit mom the other day she had a pile of neatly folded laundry on her bed. I assumed they had just brought in her clean laundry. But no, it was there waiting to go to the laundry room. She told me she goes through everything and writes down exactly what they are taking in a notebook, because she is afraid they will loose something. She gets mad because sometimes when they bring clothes back they just put them away for her, then she doesn’t know if she got everything. She is in a nursing home. They mark all the clothes with name tags. When she was in assisted living she wanted me to bring in a big tub so she could wash her own clothes by hand in her room. They did laundry for the residents and residents were not allowed to use the washing machines. I didn’t bring in the tub and it was often a source of anger and anxiety. If his Al policy is to let residents do their own laundry I don’t know what you can do. I found Al offered very little assistance. It sounds to me like he needs more supervision and care than what his Al is able to offer. I think your idea to move him to memory care makes sense. I’m surprised the facility has not asked you to find another place for him. It sounds like the facility has not been direct with him about this issue. Could you meet with the facility to see if they would tell him point blank he can not do other people’s laundry. Maybe they could tell him they have hired someone else for the job. It sounds to me like this needs to come from them as I get the impression he won’t believe you. I hope you can find a solution.

ARIL · January 12

This sounds tough. As someone who just spent $700 replacing clothes and bed linens that vanished in a facility laundry (because of staff oversight), I understand the frustration of other families. And I also understand your dad’s need to be busy and productive.

I agree that the laundry is the AL leadership’s issue to solve, and it does sound like it is time for a higher level of care for your dad.

I wish you the best. This is really hard.

SDianeL · January 12

You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. I think MC might be the best option. My DH was a veteran. He thought talking to the other vets was his “work” and he was very happy there. He got excellent care in a VA memory care facility in Florida.

harshedbuzz · January 12

@Pmmommie

What exactly are you seeking in terms of a "veteran-friendly" MC?

My top choice for dad was the state's veterans' home. While it was a MCF, it did have a very clubby and masculine feel to it that would have been perfect for dad. Alas the waitlist was about 6 months, so we opted to place him elsewhere. He passed about 2 months into his stay there.

HB

Pmmommie · January 22

I was looking into Vetran facilities but, all I've seen thus far seem more like hospital wings. No warmth, just white painted walls. He made me promise nothing like that.

I've seen some AL and MC facilities that offer special rates for Veterans and the social workers help with Vets' added benefits. Dad is 70% so, I'm looking for any breaks in this financial filibuster. The VA will cover him completely in MC versus just covering PT, OT and extra caregivers while in MC. I would love to bring him home and be his full timeer but, he's just n9ot safe enough with him being a wanderer and the need to take the dog for hours and hours long walks forgetting where the house is. With all of his appointmensts at the VA, I'd like to find something closer than where he's currently.

It's a lot.

SDianeL · January 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/264115#Comment_264115

My husband was a 100% disabled veteran. Due to my cancer diagnosis I had to place my husband quickly so I could get treatment. I found a facility near my daughter’s house. They did give a veteran discount but it was still $6000 per month! The VA does not cover that. His SS and VA pension was not enough to cover it. I knew if anything happened to me they would transfer him to an VA facility of their choosing that had a bed available. Most in our area got awful reviews except one. Plus he hated it there. It was dark and mostly women who got on his nerves. After 2 months I had him transferred to a VA facility after researching them. It was the best decision I ever made. Zero cost. He received excellent care there. The nurses cried when he passed. Although the walls were white we decorated his area with his military stuff and pictures and he was happy there.

Laundry addiction

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories