Forgetting a loved one has passed

Welcome. In my opinion you don’t correct them or tell them the loved one has passed. If their memory is bad you may find this to be a reoccurring conversation. Telling someone their spouse has passed over and over is just cruel. I know it feels wrong to lie, but if it saves your loved one from suffering the loss of their loved one over and over it’s worth it. If you look up the term therapeutic fib I’m sure you will find a better explanation. So sorry you are going through this.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

This must be torturous for your mother. Yes, she is reliving it over and over as if it just happened. Get your sister the 36 hour day(book) or other informative information. She needs to sidestep direct questions like this and respond with a kind fib like ‘he had to go out of town for a few days’ or any other answer that is accepted by your mother.

DH’s sister died this week (of Alzheimer’s). She’s been in a nursing home for the past year and we visited monthly. Both seemed to enjoy the visits even though every month DH was surprised to learn she was in the nursing home. Then just before Christmas she stated quickly declining.

Sunday morning we got the call that from sister#2 that she had passed. I told DH after I got off the phone. He questioned why, but did not seem overly affected. A few hours later sister#3 called. DH asked what sister#3 wanted, and when I said she wanted to talk about sister’s death, DH was surprised and said no one had told him.

I haven’t said anything else to him about sister’s death again yet. I’ll mention it again when I know the funeral arrangements. I will take him to the funeral even though I am pretty sure that he won’t remember it by the time we arrive home. He will understand while we are there and have appropriate funeral behavior.