He’s been gone for 2 weeks now…

annie51 · January 19

My DH passed on Jan 3. He was late Stage 6 and it was sudden - likely his heart. So he found his “exit ramp” before moving to Stage 7. I wanted to share my observations and some things I’ve learned.
1st: Focus on the little joys each day and what you’re grateful for, even in Stage 8. During this journey, I try to journal most days and I have a section for Daily Joys. It helps me focus on the positives along with the challenges. I’m grateful that DH always recognized me when I visited him at MC and seemed happy to see me. We had a nice visit the day he passed and I was with him when it happened.
2nd: Tell your LO you love them as often as you can - we exchanged these words about a half hour before he died so unexpectedly and I’m so grateful. You never know when it might happen.
3rd: As hard as it is to lose your LO for the final time, for me it’s not as hard as watching him struggle and having to endure the challenges and indignities of this awful disease. He’s free and at peace. I’ve been grieving the loss of him for so many years now, I think the relief and the new found freedom are taking over. I miss him terribly but I’ll be ok. He would want that for me.
4th: in Stage 8, keep busy. Reconnect with people you haven’t seen in a while. Find the things you like to do and do them. The isolation of caregiving is over - honor your LO by living your life to the fullest.

5th: try to make as many arrangements beforehand as you can. Decide on a funeral home, meet with them to find out what you can do ahead of time, think about the type of service you want. I had none of this done and had to do it while in a very emotional state. There are a lot of little decisions to make and it’s easier when you’re not going through the final grief.
6th: Random things make me cry so I let myself have my “moment” but I try not to wallow in it. Yesterday, I successfully drilled a hole to put an anchor and a screw in the wall. When I was finished, I said to myself “I learned from the best” then burst into tears because these were the things he always did. You’ll never know what triggers the tears so just let it happen, then redirect - we’re experts at that aren’t we? 🙂

Sometimes when you’re dealing with so much sadness, frustration, anger day after day after day, it’s hard to push forward. But you do, you all do, and you’re angels on earth for doing it. There is life after this journey because you’ve proven already how strong you are. Sorry this post got to be longer than I planned so thanks for listening!

White Crane · January 19

Thank you for your post and for sharing some important things to know. I'm sorry for the loss of your dear husband but glad he is at peace. May you find joy and peace in the coming days.

Chance Rider · January 19

@White Crane

Please don’t apologize for the length of your post, it has info that I need to consider and be prepared for. My husband is late 4 early 5 and it’s through posts such as this that I learn how to be a better caregiver.

I’m sorry for your loss but glad you had those last loving moments before he passed.

Kat63 · January 19

Thank you so much for sharing. So happy you are doing okay and your insight helps us all dealing with the late stages of this awful disease. God bless you.

RetiredTeacher · January 19

Ty for posting your thoughts, actions and advice for preparing for life after ALZ. I'm glad your DH is no longer suffering and you have a plan and a path to live the rest of your life. You are an inspiration to the rest of us and give us hope for life after caregiving. Ty for posting.

ladyzetta · January 19

Annie. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, they will be very helpful to those in need. My DH passed away 6 years ago, he was in a MC facility, and i was given this same advice, and that guided me through the final steps. 😢

You a strong caring person, and you got this all figured out. Take care of yourself and live a happy life, this is something your DH, would want. I like the idea of a journal, i wish i had done that . Hugs Zetta

Vitruvius · January 19

Your observations are appreciated, thank you.

jgreen · January 19

Thank you @annie51 for taking the time to share your thoughts. So happy to read you have found some peace and are looking forward to a future, as your DH would have wanted for you. You deserve the best!

Please check in with us every now and then and let us know how you are doing. You have been and still are a big part of the community.

God bless you! And hugs 💝

T

tonyac2 · January 20

“Focus on the little joys, and tell your LO you love them as often as you can.” Great advice and two things that make this caregiving journey a little lighter. Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned and my sympathies for your loss.

SDianeL · January 20

thank you. Beautifully said. 🙏💜

Biggles · January 20

Thank you for posting this I needed the reminders particularly today. Not much sleep for the last few days very tired and patience is waning. I want to be better than this but it's hard so thank you.