Mom newly diagnosed

Hi kelli0510, and welcome. Yes, it is normal to have those feelings. Your life has changed in a way that nobody wants and that no one is prepared for and usually doctors are no help at all in giving you guidance. This discussion board will give you good advice, there are resources and help available. You can reach out anytime to the Alzheimer's Association Helpline 800 272 3900 for both information and advice. There might be an in-person support group in your area, these can be very helpful. A good resource to start with is the book The 36 Hour Day. Others will be along to say hello.

Welcome. It is so overwhelming. I will attach a few resources for you. I found some comfort in learning all I could about dementia. Having at least some idea of what’s to come and how I might handle it was helpful for me. This group has been wonderful. When I’m faced with difficult decisions or experiences this group reminds me I’m not alone and gives me great ideas on how to handle things. Do you have all the legal things taken care of? She should have a DPOA, medical poa, will and living will. These are very important! Don’t put this off if you have done it yet. As far as medication, I believe there is a new infusion treatment, but it’s not for everyone and it’s no cure. Many take medication to help with symptoms- depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, hallucinations and sundowning. I’m sorry you need to be here.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/17/well/anticipatory-grief.html

https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/managing-someone-elses-money/

A DPOA will allow you to make financial decisions and legal transactions for her. If her house needs to be sold to cover her care costs this will allow you to do that. If there comes a time that you believe the best place for her is in assisted living or memory care, this document will allow you to make it happen. Unfortunately most with dementia don’t realize their symptoms or limitations. This means she may not willingly agree to this kind of move, regardless of the necessity or urgency. With a DPOA you can legally sign the paperwork. The living will states her wishes as things progress. Does she want a feeding tube, would she want cancer treatment, kidney dialysis, resuscitation(DNR). A medical poa will allow you to make medical decisions for her if she is no longer able to understand. It also allows doctors to talk with you about her care. She may agree to this now, but as dementia progresses she may get upset and tell doctors she doesn’t want them to talk to you. Without a legal signed medical poa they would not be allowed to talk with you. Everything needs to be in writing signed and notarized! Very important! Dementia care can be very expensive. If you are going to see a lawyer it might be a good idea to talk about finances as well. There may be ways to protect some of her assets. Medicaid is often necessary and can be complicated. Managing someone else’s money is a lot of pressure and you need to keep track of EVERY dollar spent.

Definitely get the DPOA and the health care POA while she can still understand enough to sign for herself. That was one of the best things my mom ever did for herself- she had those documents done while she was of sound mind. Then when she was no longer able to reason and make sound decisions, I was able to step in and help her.

This is a lot to absorb in just two weeks. You’re not expected to have it figured out yet. Of course you feel lost, angry, sad, and scared. Those are expected responses to something this heavy as you are dealing with a multitude of emotions bursting in every direction.

And I know you know this, but even though it feels like you should’ve been able to prevent it, you didn’t cause this and you couldn't have. The fact that you’re worried you’re failing your mom is actually a sign of how much you love her and how hard you’re trying.

Please be gentle with yourself while you process all of this. You are showing up for her even if imperfectly! And we are here with you and standing along side of you in shared circumstances, thoughts and prayers.

reach out to me any time [email protected]

i’m so sorry. It seems so sudden for you. For me it was a big fight for somebody to help me diagnose her because I knew something was wrong with her (my mom) for years. It hurts because you’re losing your mom and at the same time you have to do everything for her. I am also the only one my mom has and I feel so alone, it doesn’t matter how many articles and Help books I read, nobody is giving me the real truth. like watching your mother die in front of you and nobody cares until she’s actually dead. If it helps any, you do come to some peace with that a little bit and it is not your fault! Avoid “remember when” comments, or “don’t you remember” comments. My mom is pretty gone now, but in the beginning, she really liked it when I told her own memories to her; the ones she told me my whole life. She just being around me, even if it’s just sitting on the couch or going shopping; mundane things.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this alone, I feel that. How many times I have cried wanting my mother and everyone feeling my mother is right there, but she’s not.

whoops - here’s a Spotify list of Eric Collett’s podcast interviews - he talks about dementia & brain health in general - teaching all of us how to avoid the same outcome of the person we are caring for. I’ve learned a ton from him:

well it looks like I can’t paste a link here….. Hmm, well if you go find him on LinkedIn - Eric Collett - go to his “Featured” Section & you’ll see a link to a Spotify playlist that is most of the 35+ podcast interviews he’s done in 2025.