how do you talk to an elderlaw attorney?

Here was my experience. We mentioned the current diagnosis, and that we wanted to talk about scenarios that might happen in the future. DB in part spoke for himself, and as agreed to ahead of time I spoke for him when he got tongue tied. Our CELA had an opportunity to observe for herself some of DB's deficits. Be warned, as I was, that our PWD can showtime in front of the lawyer. DB is open to discussing what may happen in the future and the impact it could have on his wife. With that tense he is not defensive. Am I correct that DW is aware of the diagnosis, just not percieving any impacts…yet?

In our case, I felt it was necessary to be as upfront as possible with my DH. I have no children but he does. And to make it more difficult, one of his children is a drug addict and has been in prison. I treaded lightly and directed all my questions with me being the disabled one. I spoke to the CELA and he was aware it was DH with the problem and went along. He made it known though, that DH would be told all the legal details and it worked cause DH didn’t remember. I introduced each scenario with me being the one who needed care. I would say “with my bad eyesight or bum knees, how can we protect our assets”. Every case and person is different, but because he has children I felt he needed to be included in the decision making, even though it was me making those decisions. And in the end, I feel better that our house will be in an irrevocable trust for them to have and not the state. Little ( or perhaps big ) fiblets need to be intertwined with the truth to protect everyone involved. Keep in mind though, that in the end in my case, I think he caught on and his mistrust of me was heightened even though everything I did was for his benefit. It is true that lawyers have to disclose all info to both spouses, a CELA is just a bit more savvy in doing this, I think. As a side note, I too had previous documents like wills, poa’s and health directives from another attorney that my CELA said would not hold up under scrutiny, so all of those documents were redone too. 💜

I usually just jot down my main worries beforehand and lead with those, even if they feel messy. Most elderlaw folks are used to sorting through half-formed questions. I’ve done the same with a https://johngrassolaw.com/ for a family issue, and being upfront about what I knew, what I didn’t, and what I was scared of made the whole chat smoother. You don’t need polished info, just honest details.

You should be able to change any documents specific to you (Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney, etc) without the consent or involvement of your spouse. At least in Texas you can. I would just complete the review without DW and wait until you have identified a specific need for her to be involved before deciding how to do so. Is it possible the review could conclude no changes are needed requiring her involvement? It sounds like she is going to get upset regardless of which approach so I would get all the details in place of what is to be changed and why she needs to be involved so that you know exactly why you are having to go down the path of involving her.

Immediately after my husband’s diagnosis I made an appointment with an attorney. I told my DH that we were going to an attorney because we were getting older and we both needed to get paperwork done in case anything happened to either one of us. I never mentioned his dementia to him. I spoke with the attorney before the meeting and explained the situation. He never mentioned my husband’s diagnosis during the meeting. Before the meeting, I asked what info he would need and wrote it down and gave it to the attorney.at the meeting. Less discussion. My husband never questioned it.