Not Showering

welden · January 29

My wife is in midstage Alzheimer’s, living at home with me as her only caregiver. She manages all her ADLs except showering. I remind her in the morning to shower, and most days she skips it. I know because either I don’t hear the shower running, or if she does turn it on I know she doesn’t get in because her towels are dry when I go in later. Some mornings her towels are damp, so I guess she got into the shower, but I don’t know how thoroughly she bathes.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get her to shower more often? I know a couple of showers a week are ok, but she’s not always getting that.

JDancer · January 29

Search Teepa Snow videos for bathing techniques.

This will get more difficult as the disease progresses. My husband rarely showers. I hose him down after bowel accidents and use no rinse bath wipes the rest of the time.

I used to get him to take a nice long soak in the tub with a "spa day," but he can no longer get in/out of the tub. We have hand rails and a shower chair in the shower.

jgreen · January 29

Hi @welden

I agree with @JDancer about the Teepa Snow videos. She does a good job! I also like ‘spa day’! Sounds wonderful!

Natalie Edmonds also says there are ‘reasons’ our LOs don’t want to bathe. It is a very personal and intimate activity and we learn early on to hide our bodies - so DW could be embarrassed. Bathing is also a complex activity if you look at it - removing clothing; turning on the water to right temperature, getting into and out of the tub/shower, using soap and shampoo and remembering all parts of the body to wash! Many of our LOs in mid stage get ‘lost’ after 2-3 steps. Sometimes they are cold (especially this time of year) and taking off clothes and also getting out of the shower is cold! It can be scary stepping into a slippery tub or shower! And sometimes the force of the water hurts the skin. You want to do some detective work and see if any of these things are bothersome to your DW and see what you might do to relieve that stress.

My DH is getting 2-3 showers a week. Some days I make a suggestion that he may or may not accept. If he disagrees, I try again the next day. Every once in a while he initiates a shower and I make sure to lavish him with praise!

Good luck! Whatever works for you is the right way!

JC5 · January 29

showering is not DH preferred activity.. we try once a week which seems to work but sometimes It can go 2 if he objects I say it is shower day, I get the towel, soap, shampoo turn on the shower and say you are all set to go! I do stay in the room with him to make sure he actually uses the soap and shampoo. Then I tell him how wonderful he looks! Although he probably doesn’t remember.

ronda b · January 29

My dh hasn't showered in months. He uses no rinse disposable wash cloths that can also be used on his hair. He does smell at all. He is afraid of the showersays it hurts.

ronda b · January 29

Amemen . He doesn't smell . Also I order this washcloths and get them by the case. They are not like hand wipes.

BPS · January 30

When this first started for my wife I would turn the shower on and get the temperature set and then wake her up and say I got the shower ready for her. I quit asking her if she wanted a shower I just acted as if it was just what we do. It worked most of the time for quite a while but not all the time and when it didn't, I didn't push it I just tried again the next day. I had better success saying it is time to do something then asking her if she wanted to do something. It doesn't work every time.

Timmyd · January 30

My humble suggestion is to change you goal from "getting her to shower more often", to instead be "maintaining good hygiene while minimizing anger and resistance". As diseased progressed with DW, I learned not to plan showers, just do them when necessary. Eventually I found it easier if I go in the shower with her and help her. Right now, bathing is the biggest challenge I have as a caregiver. Everyone's experience is different. For myself and some other caregiver's I have talked to, we just are not going to as good a job as we hoped.

When DW was diagnosed 4 years ago I remember thinking how committed I was to making sure she always stays clean. Through no fault of my own, I have fallen short of those goals.

tonyac2 · January 30

I’ve been running into quite a bit of resistance with my DH when it comes to cleaning up. The morning routine is the worst part of my day. I have to bathe him in bed as he cannot stand or walk. He grips the covers and yells NO!!!! when I try to wash him. It’s awful, I hate getting him ready for the day, it’s always miserable

annie51 · January 30

Lots of good advice and tips here. I had similar issues with my DH - he HATED to be wet and absolutely would not get in the shower no matter what I tried. The tips about getting the water warm first, saying “it’s time for a shower” instead of asking, putting towels in the drier first so they’re warm, having him shower with me, are all great tips but I couldn’t make them work. I ended up using rinse free foaming soap on a soft washcloth because it didn’t feel so wet on his skin but still kept him smell-free. Also rinse free shampoo (I never tried the shampoo caps but I’ve heard those are good too). We definitely do not need daily showers (when he was in MC their goal was twice a week if they could) so take what you get and maybe use a work around the other days to maintain cleanliness, especially when incontinence is an issue.

Maru · January 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75224/not-showering

Teepa Snow has a great video on Youtube that addresses that. Good luck.

Chance Rider · January 30

My husband also doesn’t shower often and does not have body odor. I’ve talked with his doctor and for now it’s not an issue. The rinse free soapy cloths are handy.

harshedbuzz · January 30

@welden

Not exactly the same situation, but when a friend reached this point with her mom, she hired a caregiver for shower days. Her mom turned out to be more comfortable with a female aide who showed up in scrubs.

HB

tboard · January 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75224/not-showering

This is common. She map believe that she took a shower. Also the steps involve are complicated for someone with dementia. I started helping my DH shower otherwise he wouldn't not ever. Once a week is plenty. I also got some liquid soap that doesn't need to be rinsed. I use it for touch ups as needed.

tboard · January 30

I am on the same plan. When he starts to smell I get him in the shower and wash him. Dementia is a brutal disease. As caregivers we are doing the best that we can and it has to be enough.

Not Showering

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