Finding a therapist
Comments
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Hi, @rosemarydel
You might want to call the Alzheimer’s Association help line. 800.272.3900
They might be able to help you find therapy right fit in your area.
Do let us know if that works, and how you are doing. We are not therapists, but we listen really well.
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I’m trying to find one too! Contacted my PC and he set me up with someone who offer suggestions for things I might need to get DH as disease progresses - seated walker, raised commode? Not what I needed! Let me know if you come across anything
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I hope others have better experiences than I have had. I am at 0 for 4 finding a therapist. The therapists I have found know nothing about the stress I am under or the fight I am having against depression because of it. One session revealed that.
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As a retired therapist, I can tell you that looking thru Psychology Today or other aggregate online directories for therapists is a good place to start. But it can be overwhelming.
You can filter for those who accept your insurance, or who are in your zip code and then look for those who specialize in senior adults issues. If you read the therapist's information, you can probably find out whether he/she has real experience with caregiver/dementia issues. Look to see if their interests are in grief, loss, care-giving, senior stress, hospice experience or transitions in later life…things like that. Check out their website that they list on the directory.
Then, you just have to call them, maybe talk on the phone or book an introductory or initial appointment (most therapists have a zoom option these days) and see if you think you could talk to them or if you like them.
Other sources to find a good therapist could include contacting the ALZ association in your area, a MC facility you trust, your pastor/priest/rabbi or other spiritual advisor, the geriatric psychiatrist who you are seeing for your LO, and your PCP.
Referrals can also come from other sources - my financial advisor recommended my current therapist (who has tons of experience with caregiving/dementias). Ask your estate planning lawyer or the CELA/probate lawyers who helped with your wills. They will often know good therapists because their clientele demands that they keep such information available and current. Also, if you have any friends who have been touched by dementia in their families, they may have a name or two as well. You still have to do some research/google or call the therapist to determine if he/she actually has the experience you need.
Don't be afraid to "interview" the therapist and remember, you can always stop seeing the therapist and if you decide to move on, it's OK/kind to say, "I don't think it's a fit" or "I've found a different therapist." Believe me, changing therapists is commonplace.
If you find a good one, keep attending sessions! I've found that weekly check-ins with my therapist have been a sanity-saver!
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I’m also 0 for 4,5,6 … I honestly lost count. I’ve all but given up. They either just don’t call back or not accepting new patients. I feel like a lost soul thst nobody wants to help.
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welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. I found this online community to be the best source for info, support or to vent. Everyone here understands what you are going through. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Read through old posts and ask questions. You can also search for specific topics. The search thingy is at the top of the page. We’re here for you. You are not alone. 💜
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I am so with you! So far I have had no luck either.
Beginning to wonder if I ever will. Feel like I'm starting to lose it and honestly, I probably still have at least 10 years at my DHs side trying to deal with all the day to day. I certainly don't want to be part of the 30% of caregivers who pass before those they care for, but I sure get it now.
Do let us know if you find someone. Sending you lots of luck and strength to do so. 💕
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I wonder if it isn't how the Therapist sees how it is framed , "I need care giving help & support" and they think toilet issues & trying to fix your partner—versus how to process on going grief , financial & time pressures, dealing with family & their varying amts of understanding & support etc.
They may think you want how to DO things and how to try to change your PWD [if only] versus how to cope yourself. How to deal with the person you would have gotten support FROM being the person YOU now need support yourself so you can survive and support them . I hope this made sense.
I would hope a good therapist would see this as a creative field. And sadly a growth field with boomers aging.
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During a difficult period I saw a therapist for a few sessions. It wasn’t specifically about the caregiving itself but more about heavy decisions I was trying to make about moving closer to kids, and yes dealing with the wife. But honestly, unless they’ve been through it i don’t know what they can do. In my humble opinion you sometimes need medication yourself which might be an antidepressant, or a gummy (yep) or even a glass of wine or a stiff drink every now and then. It’s just the truth. Also, finding the right meds for your LO is key. And, you have to hire some help if you haven’t already.
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I too struggled with finding a therapist that had experience with caretakers for Alzheimer's folks. Specifically spouses. So many emotions, dang. I just kept calling around. Finally I just picked one. I sat with her for one visit and explained what I was dealing with. She said she could help me but did not specifically have professional experience with Alzheimer's caretaking. She had however gone through Alzheimers with her mother in law, recently.
I can tell you, she has been great.
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Exactly my experience, as I posted above. How much emotional reserve and energy are you supposed to have to keep trying? Whatever amount, I don’t have it.
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Don't give up - it took me a few tries to find the right therapist. While my current therapist doesn't really have direct experience with dementia and caregiving, she specializes in grief and trauma. She has really helped me to understand how to process my emotions and allow myself to understand and live with the ambiguous/anticipatory grief that is always hovering around. I find that her background and outlook is VERY different than my own, and her perspective has really opened my eyes. She has taught me to better appreciate the present with my DH, and to try to disconnect myself from my codependent tendencies so that I can appreciate myself for who I am despite everything else that is going on (trust me, I am not always very successful at that part and keep feeling responsible for "fixing" him). I read somewhere the best advice, maybe it was in this discussion group? "Don't try to calm the storm….calm yourself and the storm will pass".
People generally don't think that grief affects someone when their loved one is still alive, but the process of losing a little of your loved one each day takes a tremendous toll on us.
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My doctor recommended Rippl Care. It's been great. A councilor calls me monthly to check in on my DH and me.
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Often, a therapist who lists caregiver stress as a specialty is helpful, even if they don't specify Alzheimer's.
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Wow, I thought my experience, or lack thereof, in finding someone to talk to was unique. I guess it is like almost everything with this horrible disease, ain't nothing going to be easy or simple. I learned that I needed someone who had actually experienced the loss of a spouse with Alzheimer/Dementia and survived and moved forward to relate. I am sure there are many who could offer help who may not have actually had my experience but I did not find one. This site has been a great substitute and has helped me survive so far. I recently found Hilarity For Charity (yes, I know it seems silly but it was founded by Seth Rogen and his wife) and will be starting a weekly Zoom session in a small group of surviving spouses with a therapist who has suffered the loss of a spouse to this disease. As I search, I find a couple more that seem more in line with what I am comfortable with. I tried GriefShare but the 13 week program is a mixed group of losses and it is a structured "workshop" type program. Some raved about how helpful it was for them but it did not fit my need. For a disease that approaches the level of impact and loss to our society that Alzheimer/Dementia does, it seems there are surprisingly few resources to help, This site is a lifesaver
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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