Mom won’t see a doctor but definitely has alcohol-related dementia.

kayteedee · January 30

Mom is 76 and has been exhibiting signs for about 20 years if I really look back at the first changes in her habits. She’s just moved into an Independent Living facility that also has AL and MC. She’s still drinking and getting really confused all the time. The other day she called me for help with the Roku. I asked her did she have her remote and she asked me, “What’s a remote? I don’t have one of those.” She’s ordering tons of the same bottle of vitamin supplements and the same skincare item over and over. We had an appointment to set up a DPOA, medical directive etc but can’t get in until the first week of March.

I guess I don’t really have a question except to ask if anyone else is going through this? I’m an only child and my parents are divorced, so it’s on me. It feels like … a lot so far. Anyway, thanks and hugs to all of us going through it.

Merla · January 30

I'm glad your mom is in a senior living setting where there are various levels of care.

in terms of dpoa some lawyers do this over the phone and do it in a timely fashion so maybe this is a possibility for you.

Do you have any family near you? People could be willing to help out potentially. A little bit of help is better than no help.

it is very intimidating to have full responsibility for your parent with dementia. How is your relationship?

kayteedee · January 30

Thanks for your reply! My aunt and I are staying in touch about the ongoing situation, and of course my husband is a big emotional support. My aunt can be a bit of an “armchair caregiver” which I try to stay patient about. I know she’s also sad and scared for her big sister. I’m beyond fortunate that my mom saved a lot for her retirement so for now we’re in a good place with money.

As for my relationship with my mom, it’s complex. She was very controlling and very enmeshed with me for a lot of my life until I found the courage to set boundaries with her. In some ways I feel like I finally got free from her influence and now we’re chained together again. So that’s hard and I have to adjust to this new reality. But she’s much nicer now, so that helps! :D

To be totally honest, I’ve no idea what’s coming and it does make me anxious. I find myself wondering what phase she’s in, if she has a form of dementia plus ARD or just the alcohol etc etc.

JeriLynn66 · January 30

Look at the Newcomers Page for helpful information. Others will be along to provide some experiences.

@harshedbuzz has some great insights into a very similar situation and I’ve tagged her to look in.

SDianeL · January 31

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/264852#Comment_264852

Here’s the staging tool for dementia. It might help. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf

easy23 · January 31

The only way you can know your mother's baseline mental status is for her to stop drinking. If she has non-alcohol related dementia, like Alzheimer's or vascular dementia, it will be exacerbated by alcohol. My husband had to stop drinking when I placed him in memory care. While there, he improved so much that I brought him home. He maintained his sobriety, but unfortunately the dementia eventually progressed.

Mom won’t see a doctor but definitely has alcohol-related dementia.

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