Moving a parent to another state to another facility

Merla · January 30

I am seriously considering moving my parent who is midstage from a memory care facility she has spent 1 year at to a facility by me in another state. I am honestly a little intimidated to do this but I feel like this is the right decision for her care. I am her power of attorney so I can make this decision.

Does any one have tips for making this transition as smooth as possible?

I want to move her because she was located in another state because she has a lot of family over there including her parents (Now deceased), her two siblings and her son and also bc of happenstance (ie all the drama involved with getting a person with dementia diagnosed, declared incapacitated etc). I decided to have her give it a go out there and it worked relatively well in that she felt that her purposed was ther she was taking care of her elderly parents and our family had a good cadence of visiting and excursions and I found a good companion caregiver. However, her parents recently both passed and I am finding it hard to manage her care from afar and it's only going to get harder and my sibling isn't stepping up to the plate but playing more of an assisting role and my parent doesn't feel emotionally close to him either it appears.

I'm just intimidated to assume 100% responsibility for my parents care as I have no family or in laws living anywhere near me. But it seems like the right thing to do.

ARIL · January 31

Everyone’s situation is different, but I can tell you my experience. I tried to manage care long distance for quite a while, because of circumstances out of my control. When I could, I moved my parent (then at midstage) to an MCF near me. The trip involved moving across several states.

Our lives have been so much better since then. I can sleep at night without constant worry, and I can monitor the care directly, provide help myself, and visit anytime. The overall situation is still very hard, but I can’t imagine doing this long distance with the way things are now—and there is no way he could make such a move in his present, later-stage condition.

For the move itself, you’ll need help…and patience and flexibility. In our case, my spouse drove a small moving van, and I drove my parent. We did not try to keep the vehicles together. I was prepared to stop at a hotel if the trip was too tiring for my PWD, but it seemed better to press on, since it was going OK—albeit with constant repetitive questions for ten hours. I wish I had had another person in the car with us of the same sex as my parent, because bathroom stops were worrisome for me. But it worked out.

As POA, you’ll need to plan for your parent to get a state ID in the new state and to arrange whatever end-of-life forms you need in the new state (such as a DNR order or POLST form). My PWD’s lawyer recommended that I have the will vetted by an estate attorney in the new state to make sure it met the state requirements; it does. Then there is transferring financial assets and bill pay, etc. These tasks are numerous but doable—and they get done over time.

Moving my parent was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

psg712 · January 31

Agree that having the PWD close to you, if you are the POA, is the right thing to do. As afar as being "100% responsible" ... as POA, you already are. It's good to have other family nearby if you can, but in most cases as dementia progresses, most of the care is going to fall on one person anyway. You can still consult with other family members by phone if you need their support or advice.

terei · January 31

I had to move my mom and her then physically frail husband (and a dog)from AZ to MN. I went out there + flew them back 1st class to make it easier. Reserved wheelchairs at the airports. We stayed in a hotel for a few days til their shipped belongings were delivered to the AL I had chosen. It was not fun. It would have been impossible to manage their care unless they were in the same state as I and some of the rest of their relatives.

Merla · January 31

thanks for the advice. I'm going to do it and am in the process of requesting an assessment so she can go to the new facility and will put down a deposit. I'm praying that a family member will fly out with her, stay in a hotel with her one night and then I can help her move in.

I already have all her legal documents completed in my state as it was originally my intention to have her live by me.

Moving a parent to another state to another facility

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