How to file complaints with memory care

Merla · February 8

I'm super angry about a decision made by the head administrator of the memory care my mom is at. I think it was a terrible decision but probably doubtful that it was legally negligent. In any case when the whole crisis of the situation resolves I want you to file complaints with the board of health as well as corporate. What is the most smart way to do this? Should try to remain anonymous? Should I be open about filing my complaints? How should I approach this situation? I've already made the decision to move my parent elsewhere not bc of the situation but this was the final straw. However it could be a couple of months until this actually happens as I will need to time it correctly for her to go directly to the other memory care.

I do have a care meeting coming up so it's an opportunity to discuss the situation but at the same time I just want any to do what is in my parents best interest and while I'm totally irrate I also don't care to expend tons of energy blowing my top on people if it doesn't have any measurable impact on a tangible outcome or improvement for my parent.

Anonymousjpl123 · February 8

Oh @Merla i feel your pain. It’s awful to feel at the mercy of places that turn out to be incompetent or worse, negligent.

As someone who had to move my parent from a bad situation I would say focus on that first.

That said, my state has an Ombudsman program for people in assisted living/MC programs who was amazingly helpful. I felt they took my complaints seriously and helped me navigate the situation. I would start there.

Merla · February 8

yeah I am action oriented but it's like I am so angry bc the trauma and damage is done and I just pray it's not permanent and I am most definitely moving her to the place 5 minutes for me where I can and will throw a royal fit if need be.

Thanks for the recommendation. To onto see if there is an Ombudsman. I'm just so mad but it's like being mad without any way to fix the situation.

Anonymousjpl123 · February 8

Exactly how I felt. I left a 1 star review of my place online and it felt…inadequate. There is no place to put the rage: we just have to sit with it a minute and try to focus on next steps. You are definitely not alone, and your mom is lucky to have you advocating for her. Try to get a few minutes away from it.

cdgbdr · February 8

@Merla

I just moved my husband to a new memory care due to poor care and a lack of leadership and systems to provide necessary care. Here is what I did, although that may not be right for you.

Document all issues! I met with corporate people and we what local leadership they had with 2 pages of documentation with dates, names, times.

I am a health care professional and initially thought the issues could surely be resolved with a Sr. VP, Divisional Director and local director made aware. I didn't think I would need to move DH.

Fast forward a month and negligent care and problems continued. I did meet with leadership and the ombudsman.

God must have been on my side because I found a better facility with an immediate opening.

I followed up with an email to local leadership and the ombudsman stating that I felt no additional compensation was appropriate given the failures that were well documented leading to his care needs not being met. The agreement called for 30 days notice. I moved him 4 days after giving notice.

I have a statement and email that indicates billing ceased the day he moved. I'm waiting for the refund.

I plan to report them to the department of health and give my identity. I also plan a report to the state board of nursing for some specific situations.

I will not be anonymous so that I will see the results of the complaint survey. Your identity will not be revealed to the facility, but if they are paying attention they will know.

Only you can decide on timing. I found the ombudsman helpful. Several other families were also complaining so she was well aware.

Good luck

Merla · February 9

Sorry for everyone's poor experiences at memory care. I just really entrusted them to give high quality care and I think that her situation slipped through the cracks.

and what makes me so mad is that a traumatic experience that didn't need to happen did happen due to poor decisions and judgment and oversight from the memory care and it just can't be undone.

So even if she were to get some type of refund on some of her care this just wouldn't satisfy me too much especially bc she can pay for her care so some extra money doesn't really change or improve her life. So I'm just sitting here so irritated because she is stuck in a geriatric behavioral unit which is proving highly unhelpful and traumatic to her and I am unable to do anything about it right now besides wait.

I could only get more angry with the memory care place If for example they don't allow her back because they want to get rid of a problem and resident who was the victim of poor decisions. And even before this I was taking steps to have her move near me but I unfortunately made this decision too late to spare her this unnecessary trauma. And on some level I feel somewhat guilty as her poa and daughter for having put her in this situation and also I knew that she was getting to the point in the past month or two where she needed to be closer to me where I could monitor her care more closely but I was waiting for her parents to pass and it didn't seem like an emergency to move her.

It just makes me so irrate

Merla · February 11

yeah you are right that i can only move forward. But gosh im so angry. I knew the place was likely going to be awful just bc it being a behavioral geriatric unit but they ahd visiting hours today and multiple people visited her and they said thr place was unimaginably awful, worse than jail and that she looked as totally terrible like shed been through a totally traumatic experience. She does however sound better and more coherent so i hope she recovers. I am off the charts mad. Bc it was a uti and there are a million less traumatic ways to uncover a uti when someone is living in memory care. Im so mad. This is the type outcome one might expect if someone is living by themselves or at home with family who cant manage the situation and it spirals out of control.

Quilting brings calm · February 11

Please don’t beat yourself up. However also extend the MC people a little bit of grace too.

My mother began having a little trouble in 2018 - things like having trouble balancing her checkbook. Or so it seemed over the phone. My parents lived in an RV at the time. I made 3 emergency 12 hour one way drives to her between May 2018 ( that time they decided she had had an undetected slight stroke that caused confusion for a few days) and Oct 2019. During the summer of 2019, she visited the doctor and the ER multiple times telling them she thought she had a UTI. They ignored it because the urinalysis said no. Mom and step/dad moved into independent living Sept 1st, 2019. 1 week later the housekeeper called, mom couldn’t figure out how to fill her pill reminder. I was there a week later, told the doctor she had a UTI myself and they still accepted negative test results. They told me she had delirium. My sister came to stay and I went back home to work. By early Oct 2019 ( less than 3 weeks later) she had lost touch with reality and we emergency moved her back to our home state. She could only walk with assistance, she made no sense, she was extremely agitated, she thought my step-dad was going to k—l her because she saw him pack his guns in the car for the move. She wouldn’t take her medications no matter how much we begged. She would only sleep for 15 minutes at a time and she wandered off. She couldn’t shower herself, couldn’t dress herself, definitely couldn’t fix herself food. The visiting nurse said she needed to go straight to a nursing home - not an MC. The doctors continued to tell us that she did not have a UTI, just dementia. On the drive home, she tried to open the truck door at highway speed. We took her straight to the ER once we arrived in our town. She was diagnosed with urosepsis within an hour, spent a week in the hospital, and a month in rehab, and was then able to move into assisted living with my step-father. Once the UTI was addressed, she improved to stage 4. So UTIs can be missed and the person can seem like they are at a stage 6 of dementia.

Merla · February 12

This is reassuring to hear that your mom returned to her stage 4 status. I hope my mom does too. She actually sounds a lot better but per family looks terrible. Hopefully she just needs some rest.

How to file complaints with memory care

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