Taking car from dad

Welcome. I would recommend you talk with his doctor about medication. The right kind and dose of medication does not need to turn him into a zombie. It can make a huge difference. I can imagine medication and the car are probably not something you can talk openly with the doctor about in front of your dad. I found it very helpful to send a note to moms doctor through the patient portal. If this doesn’t work, I would write a note to the doctor explaining your problems with car keys and his reaction to them being taken away. You could bring the note in the day before the appointment or hand it to a nurse when he is checked in. I can see why you would be concerned with his reaction towards your mom or even yourself. Mom has never physically threatened me, but she has been angry enough to make me worried. I would make sure the doctor understands this. Medication can take a while to start working and it usually needs to be increased slowly. So it can be a process. In the meantime, what about disabling the car in some way? Does he actually drive? If the keys are just a security blanket kind of thing, could you replace the key on the key ring with something from an old long gone vehicle (with key fobs these days that might not work)? If your mom still drives is there any chance he might grab her keys and take her car. I would make sure her keys are hidden, just in case. I hope you can find a solution.

This is such a tough one … my husband and I have had to do this twice … once with his dad when he abruptly got sick and could not safely operate the vehicle. With him, he was ornery and very upset with us, but we were able to rally friends and family around us to all basically intervene and explain that it’s not about him getting hurt it’s about him hurting other people. He still wasn’t happy about it and he fought with us daily, but it was the battle we had to fight and he eventually saw there was no choice but to give in.

NOW with MOM … we were kind of lucky that things started taking a turn for her regarding her Alzheimer’s during Covid so nobody was going anywhere and we just kind of let her license lapse. When we finally took her to the DMV, they explained that she would have to take the written and driving test again to reinstate it. So at the time she conceited a state ID.

DON’T GET ME WRONG SHE WAS PISSED … and let me have it verbally daily making sure I knew how angry she was with the whole situation. That whole situation from state ID to somewhere in her brain coming to terms with it took close to a year.

That being said she her keys available to her at all and nine out of 10 times now when we go out, I just you know let her know that she doesn’t need to take her purse which usually helps because then I don’t have to worry about as much when we go out.

I have learned that unfortunately the bigger battles are worth it and things like making sure she gets a shower every couple of days or once a week can be pushed back if she says no, so she has some say in something … but overall, I do essentially everything for her & prompt throughout the day.

thank you for reading
I hope this helps a little … 🙏🏼

It might be possible to find an old set of keys that would give his pocket that familiar jingle.

Personally I would drag my feet at a golf cart. Use every excuse you can think of - your still researching, insurance issue, safety & seatbelts, what about a tag…..you get the idea. If its unsafe for him to drive a car, I'd think it would be unsafe to drive a golf cart. Of course he doesn't see it that way, I'm certain. Drag your feet.

eagle