Trying to leave the house

Jeff H · February 20

My DW who is 67 years old is in stage 5 with some aspects into stage 6. I have my daughter at home to help me so I can run errands from time to time. Just about every time I leave (only for a hour or less) my DW wants to leave the house. My daughter tries to prevent her from leaving but then my DW gets aggressive towards her. My DW does not want to go with me. Misdirection does not work. Other than some sort of door stoppers are there any other ideas that may have worked?

Timmyd · February 20

I can empathize with this situation as I went through something with DW that sounds identical. When you take away misdirection and door locks (door stoppers) that does not leave many other options. We used a combination of both. Pushing furniture in front of the door along with trying to draw attention elsewhere. It was not ideal, but it got us through. Fortunately this phase lasted less than a year.

Is your leaving the house a big event for her? It may be worth experimenting with different types of exits such as having your daughter get her attention while you quietly sneak out back.

These days, I have found it much better if I don't acknowledge my coming and going with DW. It seems rather impersonal, but it works so much better if I do not acknowledge her when I leave or arrive.

Goodlife2025 · February 20

I agree with Timmyd, you might try having your daughter take her for a short walk around the block then you leave. Anything so she doesn't notice you leaving.

Jeff H · February 20

I will try that. Thank you!

SDianeL · February 20

is your DW on any anti anxiety medication? I would ask her doctor for a referral to a geriatric Psychiatrist which is the best type of doctor to manage meds for dementia. A treat worked to distract my husband. Ice cream. Get locks for all exit doors (look for locks for dementia patients) or put latches above eye level. Many with dementia don’t look up. Also child lock's on all cabinets for safety. Lock up objects that could be used as weapons. Your daughters safety could be at risk. Tell her if she feels unsafe to go in a room and lock the door, call 911 and have your DW taken to the ER and admitted to the Geri Psyche ward. Agree not to tell her you’re leaving. It could be triggering the behavior.

Michele P · February 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75411/trying-to-leave-the-house

I would put a gps tracker on your wife. The local sheriff’s department or police department offer gps tracking watches through Project Lifesaver. They will take her picture and personal information and place it in a central database. They will be able to track her anywhere in the U. S. We had a full time care giver caring for a relative. The caregiver went into the other room, and my relative walked out the front door. She was missing for three hours. She had no gps tracker. I agree with others to install door locks up higher on the door.

H1235 · February 20

I wonder if sneaking out without telling your wife might help. If she asks your daughter where you are maybe she could say you just went to the garage to get something or you’re tired and taking a nap, let’s not disturb him. It also might work better to try and distract her before she notices you are missing. Could you time your outings so they are when she is napping? I hope you can find a solution.

harshedbuzz · February 20

In addition to locks, many caregivers find a black/dark doormat can make exit seeking less of an issue. Many PWD can't visually process the mat and will read it as a hole and avoid the area.

Jeff H · February 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/266462#Comment_266462

Yes, my DW is on Xanax for anxiety. It does help on some days, and others not so much. I have already ordered some door locks and am researching cabinet locks. Thank you.

Trying to leave the house

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