Mom was just screened for dementia

Welcome. One of the most important things to be done is to see a lawyer. A durable power of attorney is very important. It needs to be done while she is still able to make decisions for herself. I would assume she would appoint your dad, but there should be a backup listed in case anything were to happen to him. Without this if something happens to your dad, you could be in a very difficult situation. Since most people with dementia have anosognosia and don’t recognize their symptoms or limitations, it might be best to present this as just something that needs to be done since they are getting older. I would learn all you can about dementia. The more you know the better you will be able to help your mom and guide your dad. Would your dad be willing to let you take over bill paying? That’s something easy enough to do online. Unfortunately parents can be reluctant to accept help, which makes things even more difficult. It’s possible the drinking is causing this problem. Does her doctor know about the drinking. I really don’t know much about it, but you might want to look up Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. I will attach a few resources just in case you haven’t seen them yet. I’m glad you found our group. This part of the forum doesn’t get as much traffic. Feel free to post in caring for a parent or general.

My LO has "dementia" - doctor says Alzheimer's or alcohol related. I feel like he's not doing much for my LO because it's alcohol related. And I believe he's still drinking - seems to go on benders and then go through detox so I can tell 550 miles away. Unfortunately, the dr gave our attorney a letter of opinion that said he's not capable of making financial or medical decisions. The attorney said she can't go through with the POA now. So we're pretty much screwed. My advice to somehow get that POA before she declines even further.

Maybe I’m being cynical but getting conservatorship or guardianship will mean the lawyer gets much much more money then drafting a POA.

True. But sometimes it's necessary if the PWD won't cooperate. I have an aunt and a friend who had to take the guardianship route for very different reasons. If the guardian prevails, costs are paid by the PWD.

My friend's dad (retired PhD scientist) presented with extreme anosognosia and massive amounts of cognitive reserve. But at home, he was mishandling money, failing to take medications as directed, left the stove on multiple times and was eating rotted food. He lived in a carriage house on friend's property, and they'd see him daily but were unaware of how bad things were when he returned to his place at night. Dad fought both his sons on establishing a DPOA, so they were forced to go through the courts. Dad even hired an attorney. A neuropsych exam was ordered that showed significant incapacity and the sons were named his guardians.

My aunt discovered her sister living in a cold dark house about to go to foreclosure for unpaid taxes. She also had some medical issues that needed addressing. She also had a medical and neuropsych evaluation ordered by the court. The one seeking guardianship was vetted heavily to be sure this wasn't a situation in which financial abuse might be a goal as her sister had considerable assets. The rest of the family was given a formal opportunity to oppose the guardianship being ordered. The court took every step to assure my aunt would be properly cared for.

Another scenario I've seen play out is when a PWD is left to their own devices and ends up on the APS radar. If a family member hasn't proactively stepped up to take control of the situation, the state can establish guardianship via the courts and assign a professional to assume responsibility for the PWD. In this situation, family loses the right to have a say in care decisions going forward. The PWD's assets will be liquidated to pay for care and for the fees charged by the attorneys and the professional guardian.

HB