What stage is this.
I wonder if DH is further along in this journey than I suspect. He has had one episode of a delusion. He swore someone was knocking on our door in the middle of the night. We have a ring camera, so I knew this didn't happen. Could have been a vivid dream but he became angry with me when I said it didn't happen. I know in the future I will have to find a better way to handle this but at this point I'm not thinking on my feet.
I also see changes in his personality. He is agitated and often short with me much quicker than ever before. If a car pulls out in front of us even a large distance he calls them names. This is not DH.
He has been involved in community theater for the last 30 years and loves this activity. Three years ago he did a play with a large number of lines and had no issues. He learned his lines no problem, one year ago he was in a play with slightly less lines and struggled to learn them. At that time I felt he was just getting older. He was planning on doing a play this summer and got the part. He started working on lines and realized after several weeks he had no clue or memory of any of the lines. He has decided to not do the part as it was really stressing him. This was a good decision.
At this point memory issues are all short term. I tell him something a date or story and 30 min later he has no memory of the conversation.
Financial issues, He has completely stopped looking at our money, bank account or financial situation. Just stopped paying attention and I now handle it all. He was always on top of this but over the past year has stopped.
Cooking: DH was the main cook in the family, and he can still cook simple things. If new or involved recipe I now have to reassure or assist him with it. I went to not cooking at all, because he loved to, now cooking at least 70% of meals. He just seems so unsure.
Really anything new throws, him for a loop. Just not the old DH.
He does complete all his own ADL's. Can shop with a list and is okay if the Calander is updated daily on scheduled activities.
Sorry for the long post I just keep thinking of stuff. Any insight would be wonderful.
Comments
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I have attached a couple of staging tools that might be helpful. Keep in mind it can affect more than just memory. My mom has vascular dementia and memory is hardly an issue at all. Some other things you might notice- problems using logic and reasoning, change in personality, change in food preferences, lack of empathy, problems planning and organizing, anosognosia (not being able to recognize symptoms), confusion, suspicious of people, bad decision making, problems prioritizing, problems with money and numbers, problems finding words and frustration/anger/upset at the situation, lack of independence or loved one.
https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/5 -
Welcome @Dusty217
It sounds like you and DH have a dementia diagnosis. @H1235 gave you some good tools to use with staging. Know that your loved one can show signs in multiple stages - the disease does not follow a linear path. It is helpful for you so you are not surprised with new behaviors and can be ready with a response that will not agitate your DH.
Do your research on the disease. There are numerous books and websites with information. I have and find the book “The 36-Hour Day” quite helpful. Health professionals that I visit online are Tam Cummings, Teepa Snow, Natalie Edmonds and Camille Sinclair.
If you haven’t already, meet with an Elder Care Attorney and get your legal affairs in order - durable power of attorney, HIPPA forms and Healthcare surrogate, and will/trust. An attorney can also help you apply for Medicaid and also talk about options for care should you need in-home care or placement in memory care or nursing home.
Sounds like he has progressed to where he should not be driving. This was the biggest battle for me and still rears its ugly head every now and again. I have keys hidden and most often have to stop what I am doing to drive him to his desired destination. I try to make light of my response and say something like “It’s a nice day for a drive; let me take you.”
Come here often and do let us know how you are doing. We care.
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Thank you. I will come often. I just downloaded the book "The 36 hour Day". I'll be reading it on and off over the next month. We started the Lawyer stuff and will have in place Wills, Health Care and Financial Power of Attorney. We both did living wills. I'm fine right now but almost 70 so it's time to have those in place. My DH is 67. I thought I would be having issues like this before him. Funny when he did the word remember testing, I could remember them. Guess I'm okay for now. The driving issue I will face shortly, hoping a clear diagnosis will make it easier for him to accept but I know I need to face that issue soon.
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There is a condition called anosognosia that is part of dementia - the inability to understand they have impaired cognitive function. Unfortunately your DH will never ‘accept’ his diagnosis and it causes problems if you try to explain or reason with him. You will have to figure out how to handle the driving when the time comes. Many on here have faced same challenge and might have tips for you.
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All good advice and tools above.
My DW has a 3 people she communicates with regularly. I’m not sure if she visualizes them or they remain in her head. I’ve learned to talk with her about them rather than try to “reassure” her they’re not there. Because to her- they are there. She has become less anxious about them since I’ve gotten to “know them” along with her. She feels like she can confide in me about them and that I believe her rather than doubt her. It keeps us closer and her more calm.6 -
a clear diagnosis probably wont help him. He is unable to reason. Tell him that the doctor said no more driving because if he’s in an accident your insurance won’t pay and you could be sued and lose everything. That’s how I got my DH to give me his keys. Hope it works for you. If not, hide the keys or disable the car.
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Scoring or checking the list it seems DH is stage 3. Fits most. Memory is an issue as well as many items on Stage 3. Reading your note he also has lack of empathy and patience. I have reviewed all the notes from many caring people on this site and will be sure to address the driving issue. Thank you for all the support.
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I am sorry you are here. If you haven’t done so, put TILE gps trackers on keys, wallet, phone. It tracks the person and the objects through an app. If he is on social security, become his designated payee. Put a plan b in place in the event you can no longer care for him. That should involve touring memory care facilities and putting him on a wait list with a refundable deposit. Get log ins and passwords for all accounts, banks, computers, phones. Put all bills on auto pay. If there is an Oasis Senior Services near you, they offer free assistance finding in home care and out of home placement. Start to child proof your home. The 36 Hour Day will help you with what you need to do.
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I have not ordered the TILE but have Life 360 on the phone. I will add TILE at soome point.
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My DW of 58 years next week(!!) was diagnosed 4 years ago. Your mention of a delusion hit home with me. Just this morning, she told me one of our friends recently, in our home, in my presence, kissed her on the lips. I for sure would have been aware of this. After going through all our friends, she thought it was a good friend who passed away 5 years ago.
One of the less terrible events this disease is putting us through.
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Yes, and I still am not sure it didn't happen, the knock on the door but I believe my instincts and think it was a delusion.
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You have gotten good advice here. Be aware that even if it appears that your husband has things under control, he might not. Your husband might get lost driving or walking in a familiar place. From what you described, he should not be driving. If he gets in an accident, your insurance company will not cover it. He will automatically be at fault, and you will get sued for everything you own because he should not have been driving.
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Please don't delay on driving. He could easily have an accident or get lost at any time. It the US, a post accident lawsuit can be devastating. Taking away the keys now could save a life.
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I did talk with memory care, and they have a driver test and also added that while just MCI and not dementia he can still drive. Even documented in his chart. They did advise I always go with him. My insurance also stated we are covered as long as not Dementia. It will increase the cost of insurance. The memory Doctor gave him diagnosis of MCI "likely" caused by Alzheimer's. So until this changes for now I go every time we head out and drive in the busy or unknown areas.
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If you're in the car, is there a reason you aren't behind the wheel? If the medical record uses the word "Alzheimer's" I would be concerned. If a lawyer found this in a deposition, a costly judgement could go against you.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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