DH gets frustrated so easiy
It's really hard to see my DH struggle so with simple daily tasks. Today he struggled getting his seat belt buckled in the car, swearing and calling it a POS. He then complained about how uncomfortable seatbelts are for the rest of the drive. He cussed out the POS TV remote control when it was clearly operator error....He has VD with slow processing. He was trying to put in a 3 digit number on the remote. He got 2 numbers pushed and by the time he thought about and pushed the third number, it had already switched to the channel represented by the first two numbers....More cussing, more POS remote control, etc, etc.. Next he tried to get the twist tie off the loaf of bread to make a sandwich....yep, more cussing....then he had trouble reaching into the bag to get 2 slices out...yep more swearing. It would be comical if it wasn't so sad. Really hard to watch him struggle with things that used to be so easy for him. I keep telling myself it's the disease, give him grace but sometimes it's so hard to keep a positive mental attitude when I am doing everything and the only person I interact with is so negative and swears so much and seems frustrated with so many little things.
Can anyone else relate???
Comments
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Yes. He has anxiety and agitation due to the disease. Sadly you will soon be doing everything for him. Is he on anti anxiety meds? So sorry you are going through this.
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He is only on 25mg sertralune, generic for zoloft as an antidepressant. Of course he can't recognize his own decline and his Dr insists on following my husband's wishes! Beyond frustrating!
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Dr’s often haven’t a clue trust your own instincts and ask questions of this incredibly informed experienced group. May not be doctor qualified but sure are VD and Alz qualified.
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Thank you for your post, @RetiredTeacher and so sorry you are in this place!
I can see this coming for my DH (and me!) in the near future. Right now I get the swearing and his frustrations when we are driving somewhere. Maybe it’s the closeness of being in the car or anxiety (or both) but that is where it is most noticeable. I too will be looking for advice from others.
Again thanks! And God Bless you!
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hi
I think this is better link
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My DH has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. His behavior has been similar. I call it "turning on the rage machine". Medications for anxiety and depression have helped with this. It isn't likely to get better on its own and there isn't anything you can do about it. Talk to his doctor and insist on help with this as it can get much worse and physical too. Sometimes it takes some trial and error before he gets the right drugs and the right dosages. There is no single drug that works for everyone.
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Sorry you are going through this - it’s very frustrating for you! I went through this with my DH. Prior to getting Alz he was quick to cuss (usually only in front of me) but it just got worse. The good thing was it was usually a quick outburst and then he was done, until the next frustrating thing came around. But I did notice as he progressed, the frustration about not being able to do things did lessen a bit. I don’t know why but it seemed he got past the point of awareness of his disease. The only advice I can give is to acknowledge or agree with his feelings, something like “yeah I have trouble with the remote also”, “I agree the seatbelts are uncomfortable, I wish we didn’t need them”. It may not make much difference but it may make him feel like he has an ally.
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Yes, I relate 100%! This is such a test of human patience, problem solving, and endurance. I find the go along to get along approach works best for me. “Yep, that one’s a bear, I know”, and “I hate this pos too” then step in to help as a comrade against the evil remote or what ever. My DW can only figure out the seatbelt 50% of the time, all within one excursion. That being said, as I believe we have all experienced, every once in a while you’ll just lose patience for it all, totally lose it, whatever, and plunge into some pretty rough emotions. This is an understatement. What helps strengthen patience and resilience (meaning being able to take the punches with exercising the human reflex of wanting to punch back)? For me it’s ferociously finding the time to do the following as much as I can: various types of breathing exercises some of which you can do in a quick 30 seconds while standing in the kitchen trying to keep you S… together; regular meditation (Tara Brach or Jack Kornfield- guided meditations of various lengths (sometimes you only have 3 minutes), music, CBD, and as much walking by yourself or with a friend as you can scrounge.
Keep us posted!3 -
Ty all so very much for you support.
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My husband is on 100mg Sertraline. It’s been gradually increased over the last few years. He’s been on this dose for two years now and it made a big difference. On the tv thing, it happens daily in our house. Now I automatically turn it on for him and if he’s struggling I ask if I can help. Most times he says yes, but he does have those moments of irritation that I’m asking. He gets so frustrated with electronics and I tell him everyone does, that they have made it so difficult to watch tv. I tell him it’s not easy for me either, even though for now I have no problems. Nothing is easy with this disease I have found. Every day is a balancing act, with some days better than others.
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Hugs to you. My Dh has VD and alz. . He is the same way cussing at everything,thing just tossing it
I usually wait till he walks away and fix it. Yes it is very hard when you deal with this daily. I try to take deep breaths etc, but sometimes I just have to take a ride even if it's to Dunkin to get a latte.
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My DH has always been calm, mild mannered and slow to show irritation. Now, I never know what will set him off. He has verbal outbursts usually blaming me for whatever went wrong. Sometimes clenching his fists or stomping his foot like a toddler. It is hard to watch. Distraction or agreeing with him doesn’t work. I withdraw to another room. Sometimes he follows and I have to close the door till he calms down. He never remembers the ugly scene. I do remember and it makes me anxious and profoundly sad.
These episodes usually happen during the Sundowning time as the day comes to a close.5 -
I think meds would be very helpful is tamping down his irritation/frustration
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I have read that the sundowning effect is reduced during the spring and summer months because of the extended daylight hours. I hope this it true…
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I would ask the doctor to increase the dose.
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excellent suggestions to deal with this problem. Thank you for sharing. I totally lost it a couple of days ago because of something the cat did. Misplaced anger, I know. Then the guilt sets in. It truly is a test of patience dealing with the behaviors of my DH.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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