Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

The next milestone on this horrid journey

countrywife
countrywife Member Posts: 21
25 Care Reactions 10 Comments
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

It was a hard afternoon. DH had his license medically suspended in 9/2025 and today we made the trek into the DMV office to surrender the suspended license for a photo ID. It doesn’t change anything really but I can’t help but think it was a hard thing for him to do. He was so quiet on the drive. The staffer was very kind and said something about not having done something before. He smiled and told her that’s ok, he hasn’t done this before either. He was so composed and I saw so much grace on his part. I just bit back the tears until the drive home. Dang I hate this disease!

Comments

  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 183
    100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    Just curious- why did you have to surrender his license. Is it because he would try to drive if he still had it? I never surrendered my wife’s because she basically withdrew herself.

  • annie51
    annie51 Member Posts: 591
    500 Likes 500 Care Reactions 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    I can clearly remember when I went through this with my DH 4 years ago. My experience was similar to yours, where he wasn’t being mean or nasty, just very quiet and following their instructions. It was the first really hard thing I had to do. Ditto to the “dang, I hate this disease!”. Hugs to you.

  • Chris20cm
    Chris20cm Member Posts: 138
    100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    A few years ago I took DW to the DMV after I wouldn't let her drive anymore because of some near collisions. I didn't mention them taking it away, and they decided to take her on a test. I figured that would take care of it but then…..she passed. She also got an ID. On the way home she forgot she passed, and didn't remember taking the test, and I discreetly took the license and left the ID in her wallet. She hasn't mentioned it or asked to drive since.

  • countrywife
    countrywife Member Posts: 21
    25 Care Reactions 10 Comments
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267497#Comment_267497

    State law requires you to immediately surrender your driver license to the DMV if your driving privileges are suspended, revoked, or canceled, including for medical reasons. Failure to return a suspended license is a class C misdemeanor & may result in penalties. Not sure it’s a high priority with DMV if the person isn’t driving but figured it would best to just get it done.

  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 183
    100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 100 Care Reactions
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267513#Comment_267513

    I see. I think we just skipped that part but I understand.

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 313
    250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267497#Comment_267497

    We saved money on our monthly auto insurance when DH no longer had a license to drive. (USAA) I understand that not all insurance companies do, but that was why DH finally agreed to do so.

  • countrywife
    countrywife Member Posts: 21
    25 Care Reactions 10 Comments
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267550#Comment_267550

    We have a farm and way too many vehicles at this point. My insurance agent told me once the company knows DH isn’t a licensed driver, our premiums will probably go up based on a higher driver to vehicle ratio. Go figure. 😂 I’m going to probably take insurance off some of them, leave them parked, and try to convince him we should look at selling them.

  • Bill_2001
    Bill_2001 Member Posts: 156
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Comments
    Member

    Countrywife,

    The slow unwinding of your loved-one's life is so very difficult. These are the things no one else sees or feels.

    There are the things you take away from your loved one for their own safety (cooking, driving, etc.). There are things you take away because your loved one no longer understands how to use or wear them (eyeglasses, hearing aids, dentures).

    There are other things that slowly go unused, such as their bicycle, golf clubs, camera, watercolor supplies, bible study guides, journals, records, cookbooks, and I could go on and on. I have slowly begun giving these things of hers away because they hurt too much just to look at them.

    But things you have to unwind for official or legal reasons, such as their driver license or financial responsibilities, cuts even deeper. These things require your presence, your immediate attention, your signature. They feel so final: My loved one will never drive again nor run her own finances or anything else.

    It hurts so bad.

    I get it.

    Love Bill_2001

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories