all the emotions

Katiewastlund · March 8

I am a nurse with my mom having dementia.I have never in my life had a bad patient as this .We used to get along well.Now we clash.She cusses at me.She is not the same loving person .At times I see this look of hatred for me.Im having a hard time dealing with all of this .

lilacgirl · March 8

I understand and I am right there with you—although I am caregiving from afar. My mom blames me for ruining our relationship because I won't let her drive. I can't even imagine how I am going to drag her kicking and screaming out of her home, but I'm going to have to do that soon. And it's making me physically ill. We were always so close; now she thinks I'm her worst enemy.

H1235 · March 8

Welcome. As the nurse you are not the one taking the independence away from your patients or maybe they just expect a bit of independence taken away by a nurse and accept it. People with dementia tend to save that anger for the person who is forced to make tough decisions to keep them safe. They find they need help with various things around the house and resent having to ask for help. Being a nurse I’m sure you’re aware of anosognosia. Since they can’t comprehend their issues, there is no way they could possibly have forgotten about that appointment or how to use the remote for the tv, so it has to be our fault as the caregiver. With other health issues loved ones experience we can be there for them, comfort them, enjoy spending time with them, and bottom line they know how much we love them. With dementia it is so unfair, twisted and heartbreaking that our loved ones don’t trust us, believe we are miss treating them, playing games with them or sometimes even stealing from them. It’s gut wrenching!

terei · March 8

Many many times, it is the caretaker who is closest to the PWD that is focus of their dissatisfaction and rage with their situation. This is very very common, which doesn’t make it easier to withstand. I would be looking at appropriate meds.

terei · March 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267664#Comment_267664

Planning on ‘workarounds’ for what is eventually going to happen will be helpful. When it is time for her to be in a facility, she will not be kicking and screaming if you are ‘going out to lunch’, taken to the facility, having lunch and having the staff take it from there. At that point, she can be told it is temporary til her doctor says she is improved or temporary til an issue with her home is resolved (electric out, flood, whatever)

Do not make the mistake of thinking you will be able to convince her it is ‘time’ and going round and round with endless arguments that do nothing but bring emotions on both side to a fever pitch over days, weeks or months. Make the necessary plans and impliment without her input. There are many many posters who have had (mostly) successful transitions to AL or MC by using

SDianeL · March 9

Welcome. Caring for a parent or spouse is mentally and physically exhausting. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which has helped many in this group. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Never argue with someone with dementia. This phrase I learned here helped me: “You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken”. Repeat it throughout the day. Your relationship with your Mom has changed. She’s no longer the Mom you knew. She is now your patient and you are her nurse. This disease steals so much from us. Come here often for info, support or to vent. We understand how you feel. Hugs. 💜

all the emotions

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