Just venting

Geot · February 9

Yesterday was not a good day for my DW….It was a total delusional day. she thought there was people in the house, her dead sister, father, mother and our sons who live in another state. when no one has been here. She has been started on a new medication which seems to have very little effect, but it is early. She got up this morning asking if her sister has left yet…of course she wasn't here….hope the rest of the day gets better.

tonyac2 · February 9

Hello @Geot

This is a great place for just venting. Everyone gets it as there are commonalities with our LO behavior.
My DH does the same thing, talks about deceased people as if they were alive. I find it works best for him if I just go with it. “I haven’t seen your dad today”, “You miss your dad, tell me about him” etc.

When I didn’t know any better, once I said “your mother died years ago.” My poor husband cried like it was news to him. It’s fascinating and sad at the same time how older memories last longer than more recent memories. I hate this disease. Hope today is a better day for you.

tboard · February 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75317/just-venting

My DH has "people" and a "crew". he often talks to them and has lengthy conversations with them. I always assumed talking to people who are not there is a symptom of dementia. He occasionally asks where is dad is. His dad died in 1972. My father who had dementia often asked me if I had seen "dad". I used to tell him that I saw him early in the morning but that he went into town and would be back later. I think with or without medication people with dementia have hallucinations. We need to lmeet them where they are and accept the hallucinations.

Geot · February 9

I have accepted the hallucinations but sometimes it leaves me speechless…trying to come up with an answer…very frustrating to say the least as I'm sure it is for all of us…I'm doing my best.

SiberianIris · February 9

Being with someone who has dementia is like being an actor in a 24/7 improv production you never auditioned for. One bright spot is that the "scenes" frequently repeat, so you can reuse the same lines. The trick is keeping it upbeat and not let irritation come through your voice or facial expressions. (Yes, it is exhausting.)

Geot · February 9

SiberianIris..,you are exactly right but sometimes it is very difficult to hold back on your emotions. Sometimes I just feel like screaming out "for Gods sake stop asking me what day it is for 30th time" but I course I don't.

Jeff H · February 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265648#Comment_265648

On point!

persevere · February 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265648#Comment_265648

Too funny. 😄

Dan520 · February 10

I sometimes tell people that having a conversation with my wife feels like Abbott and Costello.

Who's on first. I don't know.....

howhale · February 10

Meet them where they are is so true. They cannot come to us so we have to go to them. Sometimes, maybe most times, don't look for an "answer" that you will never find to satisfy their world. Just listening, acknowledging what they say with an "I see", "Oh yes", "Hmmm", etc., etc. maybe be all you can do. I tried, before I found this site, to explain, rationalize, answer, correct, prove, etc. and made our life together very difficult. Often the simplest response is the best one especially because they may have forgotten the question before we come up with a "good" answer.

Geot · February 10

Often times I will not try to answer a delusional question but just start talking about something different to shift her thought in another direction and most times she has already forgot what she ask me.

Bailey's Mom · February 10

I used to try to explain that we are the only people who live in the house…now I just say that the other people aren’t here right now, or that they aren’t coming for dinner tonight, etc. it’s another step down for sure. The good thing is that HWD blames them for almost everything…I used to take the blame for it all!

Geot · March 1

For the last 4-5 days my DW has called me Dad thinking I am her dead father. The hard part is she keeps asking me where has her husband has gone and why he didn't he tell her where he went….it's very difficult to come up with a quick answer for this delusion. Last night when I was preparing dinner she asks me when the other people were coming and I assured her there is no one else coming. That apparently didn't register with her because after being in her pajamas all day she began changing clothes and doing her hair when I just thought she went to the bathroom. I again told her no one else is coming for dinner she replied "I wished you had told me that earlier"…she finally accepted that and of course dinner was already cold at that point.

Just venting again…thanks for listening.

yardman49 · March 1

You are definitely not alone. My DW talks to many other imaginary people. It is sometimes hard to cope with when she argues and get angry with them. i am even accused of letting them into our home. Yes, and she several times per day asks me where her father is and she tries to find him inside our house or outside when we go for walks. And every day someone is stealing something from us. It is all part of the ugly dementia package we experience.

Keep the faith and you are in my prayers.

Jeff H · March 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267123#Comment_267123

So true. My DW talks about imaginary people. I try to come up with the proper response but most of the time it isn't the correct response she was looking for. Yes, the stealing thing is a thing. "Where is my money? Are you stealing from me?" "This is my stuff. You aren't trying to take it are you?" What a God awful disease our LO and us caregivers have to cope with! Here is to a better day…

Geot · March 2

The imaginary people my DW sees is a constant…like "where has the little girls gone"…"what is name of the little boy that was here",,,,,I am running out of answers to these delusions. I did locate some money she had tucked away and was able to secure that….so far, she hasn't accused me of stealing and has probably already forgot about it….I hope.

BPS · March 2

My wife talks to "people". I can't always understand what she is saying but she is usually smiling so that makes it much easier. She dos ask where the baby went and I tell her she went with our daughter. She still looks around but seems to be ok with that. It is not constant but it getting to be much more often.

Geot · March 3

My DW wife had some swelling in her ankles which I noticed a few days ago, so I had her see her doctor. At the time of the swelling, she was under a delusion that I was her dad. When seeing her doctor she told him that it was her dad that first noticed the swelling. Somehow the memory of her dad during her delusion remained even though she was back recognizing me as her husband in the doctor's office. My mind is on a swivel…never knowing what is to come next.

tonyac2 · March 4

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267115#Comment_267115

My DH frequently calls me mom, mother and once in awhile, grandmother, ouch I just go with it. I even call myself mom. Keeps him calm. And, I always take the blame and say I’m sorry. This is the world I live in now.

Geot · March 14

Last night it was a bad night for my DW. After awakening from a nap she started calling me dad. She kept asking me where her husband went…looking out the window to see if his car was there and of course it was. She then started a rapid fire of questions like…where did my husband go…did I give him a ride somewhere…why didn't he leave a note…when is he coming back…I don't think he wants to be with me anymore. . She even started asking me why I had left her mother alone and have I called her. The questions were coming so rapidly that I was left speechless trying to come up with answers even though I was playing the role as her father

I am wondering what this day is going to be like when she wakes this morning.

Just venting again!!

sandwichone123 · March 14

You could try letting her know that her husband will be back really soon. You will have to go back home to care for/be with her mother, but her husband will get here soon after. Then leave, perhaps change something about your appearance, and return.

howhale · March 14

The creativity, quick thinking, out of the box ideas is one of the most challenging aspects of caring for a loved one with AD. Because their behaviors, statements, thoughts, etc. change so fast and unexpectedly, it adds to the stress for the care giver. Responding in the wrong way can trigger additional reactions, some difficult, very difficult. It is no wonder caregivers for an AD loved one are so tired, exhausted, frustrated, stressed, etc., etc. And, just as soon as we think we have found a solution or the right response, their behavior changes again. Come here often, post your question or situation and likely there is someone, if not many someones, who will gladly offer ideas. It may seem as if you are alone but you have a family here who understands and supports you and are ready to be helpful. Vent as often as needed. It helps protect your sanity and enables you to face tomorrow and provide loving care for your loved on..

Geot · March 15

Well last night my DW who thinks I am her dad looked me straight in the face calling me dad and ask again where has her husband gone. I assured her that I am here to look after her and her husband would be back soon. That didn't satisfy her much, so she just kept looking out the window to see if my car was in the driveway…of course it was. She got up this AM and I greeted her and ask her if she slept well….angrily she said how was your night still thinking I was not here all night. I said I was here all night and she said no you wasn't my father slept in your bed you just came in this AM. Looks like my day has started off to be another stressful one, but I guess I will get through it somehow. I am now starting to think just how much longer it will be before I cannot provide the care she needs…..that thought weighs heavily on my mind.

Thanks to all the great people here for your support.

Just venting

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