Mom in hospice care and seeing and talking to people

TrumpetSwan · March 13

I hear this is common. Is it? My mom is in hospice care at her MC facility. I was with for a couple hours today.

I would talk to her and she would answer back. She was more alert than she has been in a couple of days. I felt like it was a gift to be able once again to say something to her and she responded. It was mumbled, but I could understand.

She grabbed my hand. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me back. I gently rubbed her back, and she said it felt good and thanked me.

It was just the two of us in the room. I noticed her looking up into the corner of the ceiling. Her gaze was unfocused. She occasionally raised her arm and held her hand out for a few moments.

She said my dad's name several times.

She pointed across the room and said "pull a chair over". A few seconds later she said "well, I guess you can't get it over, can you."

She also pointed to the ceiling, smiled and very clearly said "well, how are you?" She laughed.

I asked her who was with her. She told me grandpa (my grandpa). I repeated it to myself "wow, grandpa". I was surprised she answered me and just said "yes" and shook her head.

Whatever this was, she was happy with it all. She seemed comfortable and not in any pain. It all seemed harmless. The caregiver said to just go with it, so I did.

I would like to think she is seeing family and friends who have passed. It almost seemed as though she was in the middle of a party with a bunch of people coming and going.

Has anyone else experienced similar with a LO in hospice? Is this a common thing?

Thanks.

Victoriaredux · March 13

What a lovely interlude , even in the sadness. We had a few of those moments -truly gifts . Reminded me when the clouds part and you see the sky ,clouds and heavens above.

One of our LO kept calling out a name we didn't recognize in their last weeks - turned out the person had raised the PWD , and we'd never known about her .

TrumpetSwan · March 14

Thank you, Victoria. I am so glad you were able to solve the mystery name of the person your LO was calling to. It makes complete sense to me it was someone who raised her.

Yes, I do feel this interlude was a gift and I will treasure that morning I had with her. I have not even told anyone about it, and I will be unlikely to share those details freely with anyone. It somehow seems sacred.

The way I thought about it was as you referenced. I felt like a gateway to Heaven had opened and my mom was able to see into it. Her loved ones who had passed were gathering and getting ready for her to arrive.

As I write this, she is still with us. I know the end is soon for her. I feel like I got a glimpse however of what awaits her. It is good, and she will like it.

Thank you so much for replying.

jen ht · March 14

Thinking of you. Thanks for sharing with us. 💜🙏

Jen

harshedbuzz · March 14

@TrumpetSwan

This is very common in the later stages of dementia. Seeing family members, friends and even pets that have passed is called "visioning" and often happens in the last weeks of life.

A few hours before dad died, somewhat unexpectedly, he told me all about a visit he'd had with my sister— how she was busy with her 2 young daughters and new promotion but promised she'd be seeing more of him. She'd been dead 30 years.

HB

NannyG55 · March 14

As a former Hospice RN I can confirm that this is a very common but precious experience.
And I also believe you are correct; the Gates of Heaven are open and welcoming your dear Mother home.

Peace be with you and yours as the journey continues 🙏❤️

TrumpetSwan · March 15

Thank you Jen, Harshed and Jeri.

Whatever it is, it seems it is harmless and not scary to our LO's which I suppose is the most important thing. It is their experience, not ours.

I guess we are only witnesses to it and will process it based on our beliefs. I certainly have my beliefs about it.

Thank you again.

ladyzetta · March 15

That is beautiful, thank you for sharing. 🙏

Jgirl57 · March 16

Hugs to you as this journey continues.

SDianeL · March 17

thank you for sharing this beautiful gift. My Dad died young of a heart attack. When they found him, he was reaching up with a smile on his face. Praying for a peaceful passing for your Mom. 💜🙏

SusanB-dil · March 20

Agreeing with others - it really sounds like it was a special moment for you to witness, and I'm glad you were able to.

I've also heard the same about seeing others who have passed before them, prior to it being their time.

vtech1951 · March 21

"This is very common in the later stages of dementia. Seeing family members, friends and even pets that have passed is called "visioning" and often happens in the last weeks of life."

Not true, MIL has been saying and seeing this for years!!! and continues to do so… No where near the "last weeks of life"

SusanB-dil · March 24

Hi @vtech1951 - I can certainly see your point. However, a dear friend's mom saw 'things' and people for several years as well. But then something odd happened not long before she left us… in that there was a much more calm and peace about it all. Rather than what we believe were hallucinations of randoms, she was seeing different family, and was speaking almost more lucid. It was a very different 'atmosphere' about her, for lack of better description.

And yes, I agree - some of our LO's do see or hear people, animals, or kids running around that simply aren't there.

Mom in hospice care and seeing and talking to people

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