I failed as caregiver today

When I look into a thread on here and begin to see what others have said or shared and have to scroll, and scroll, and scroll to get to the end, I know you have hit a common thread among us all. This subject is definitely one. Being a Caregiver for a spouse, or other loved one, is not for the faint hearted, not for the weak, not for the one looking to be a hero. In looking back, I can see my long list of regrets of my failure to respond better, handle frustration, remember it is the disease and many others. But then I remember who I am caring for and why and that no one gave us a playbook to follow at the start. This is a learn on the job assignment and you are a loving husband doing the very best he can every hour of every day. If you need to vent, here is the place to do it because you are here among experts at it. We have all done it. The saving grace for our loved one is that as their disease progresses, their short term memory gets shorter and shorter. Ours does not and we kick ourselves for our action or thought. Kick yourself if you must, but only for a moment because it will be gone from her that fast and you have important care giver work to do. I have posted this before but I'll put it below:

CAREGIVER

Caregiver, a title so easily claimed or tossed around

What makes up the qualities of this special noun

Many take upon the title with very little thought

As if what it means is something that can be bought

For those special few who deserve to truly wear this mantle

Sadly there are so many imposters who cannot hold a candle

This word demands giving to others all that you have every day

You cannot take a break, you must be ever vigilant, no time for a vaca

The ones who, without seeking acclaim, are there through thick and thin

They are the ones who give and give their all, and still show up again

For many their heart drives them to service, even when the reward is low

And yet, here they are, one more day to serve, taking the burden without show

C stands for the Compassion a true caregiver displays every day, in every way

A stands for the Attitude shown in a positive way regardless the burden

R stands for Resilience needed to face the pain and yet return

E stands for Effort that is required of every minute to meet the needs of their charge

G stands for Generosity as they give their all to the comfort of another

I stands for Integrity shown in building the trust of the patient and family

V stands for the Values imbedded in their soul, not trained into their role

E stands for the Effort demanded minute to minute to adapt

R stands for the Respect shown at every turn regardless the challenge

And for the ones who deserve to hold the title in honor, there are those among you who rise to a level above. Being a Caregiver for anyone is a role to be held in high regard. Being a Caregiver for someone losing and/or lost to the nightmare of Alzheimer/Dementia and its’ related forms demands a few more descriptors.

Adaptability may be one of the singular requirements for this Caregiver. Caring for a charge whose life, behaviors, language, memory, health can change minute to minute demands adapting to their needs unexpectedly. This caregiver role does not follow the standard protocols and, yet, must meet or exceed the required high standards expected. Managing the adaptability demanded eliminates any semblance of normal or routine and, yet again, maintaining routine is necessary. Versatility might be another key descriptor for one who is willing to undertake the role of caregiver for the AD patient. Living in a world with your charge where anything can happen and often nothing is predictable requires a mental attitude that can accept spontaneous change, find a solution and maintain the comfort of your charge.

For the one who takes on the title of Caregiver, you step into a role of angel, healer, friend, counselor, protector, manager, and so many other descriptors at any given moment.