Feeling helpless

grievingson · March 24

My Mom has entered the later stages of early onset, 68 years old. Since the time change for daylight savings things have gotten worse quickly. Recently, she has had the police called on her for wondering the neighborhood and trying to enter strangers cars. This has all culminated in a fall and a broken foot landing her in the hospital. My Dad has been her primary caregiver with my brother for support. I live a couple hours away. I feel so very guilty for not being there more and am planning to make the difficult visit tomorrow. I don't know what to do or say. My brother has expressed it has become too much to continue to have our Dad be the primary caregiver. My Dad wants to keep her at home and is a wonderful, loving caregiver, who is being run thin. I want to help but am having a hard time pulling myself together enough to help. Rant over, I appreciate anyone still there to the end. Any advice or words of wisdom are very welcome.

H1235 · March 24

Welcome. I’m glad you found our group. You are welcome to rant all you need here, we understand. It sounds like it’s time to start thinking about a planB. Is your dad willing to sit down and talk with you and your brother about possible options? Will he share financial information? Facilities can have a waiting list and they are very expensive. Bringing in an aid may help for a while, but even that might not be enough and it can be very costly. If money is a concern there is Medicaid. If your family hasn’t seen a lawyer yet, it’s very important. Has a durable power of attorney been appointed? It’s not uncommon for the spouse of a person with dementia to push themselves too far and put their own health in jeopardy. I hope you can find a way to get through to your dad. Have you talked with your doctor about how you’re feeling. I honestly don’t know how anyone could get through this without medication or counseling.

SDianeL · March 24

welcome. So sorry about your Mom. Is your Mom on medication? If not, talk to her doctor about meds for anxiety and agitation. There should be locks on the doors so she can’t go outside. Locks up high usually work as PWD don’t usually look up. You, your brother & Dad need to discuss without your Mom present. Develop a Plan A and a Plan B. Talk to an elder care attorney about financial options and DPOA’s. They understand your state’s Medicaid. We know how you feel. We’re here for you. Hugs. 💜

grievingson · March 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268654#Comment_268654

Thank you. I have been seeing a therapist and psych regularly the last few years, so trying to take care of myself first. I know the durable power of attorney has been set. My Dad is open to sitting down to discuss options. We will be doing that over the next couple days. Part of what led to the agitation that had my Mom storming off(and eventually falling an breaking her foot) was the suggestion that they get more help. She is very stubborn about accepting help and we are trying to figure out how to get her to accept the help she needs. Right now, she is still in the hospital, in restraints and partially sedated. I appreciate your help and feedback 💙

grievingson · March 24

Thank you. She has been on anti anxiety meds for some time, we are fearful that they may have been causing hallucinations, leading to worsened fear. It's good to know that we can go back to the attorney for more info on financial/medicaid stuff. I didnt know that PWD don't generally look up for locks, so that is useful advice. I appreciate your advice and feedback 💙

Feeling helpless

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