Actual caregiving tip...

Groovy's Girl · March 30

My DH and i have entered a new stage and I need tips for two issues.

He won't let me take off his t-shirt. Tried like always to take it off for the shower and he holds out his arms to stop me. Tried later to change it for a clean one and again, a no -go. Any ideas?
He is willingly wearing Depends which is helpful since he can walk around all day and night and I don't have to stress about accidents, but I can't get him to sit on the toilet with any regularity. I used to take him every three/four hours, but he now refuses. So it makes it very difficult to get him changed. Any wisdom?

ronda b · March 31

With my DH is would say after a few days of him not changing, wow that shirt looks pretty dirty. Hers a clean one. Sometimes it worked Sometimes not.

sandwichone123 · March 31

Pulling the t-shirt up from the back and over the head can be easier sometimes. Then it's just hanging from his arms so you can slip it off his arms right away or later.

tboard · March 31

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75681/actual-caregiving-tip

My DH forgot how to put his clothes on and take them off and he hated it when I tried to help. Initially he refused to wear pull ups and sometimes I managed to get one on him I would find it ripped up with pieces all over the floor. From what I have seen these are common experiences not wanting to change clothes or wear pull-ups. I used a few strategies to get him in clean clothes. Begging and offering treats worked most of the time. Whenever he cooperates I thank him profusely. I use the past tense because after years of struggling to care for him he ended up in the hospital and now in memory care. I cannot afford it and I miss him but I am enjoying a little freedom.

blacksparky · March 31

My DW no longer showers daily like she used to. She also wears the same clothes all day and night for many days. I try to get her to shower at least once a week. She will wear her clothes in the shower and I eventually convince her to disrobe while there. I help her wash her hair and body and when she’s done, I guide her out of shower and she dries herself. I have a new set of clothes ready for her. The cycle then starts all over. 😩

BPS · March 31

I got my wife some T shirts the snap together. You can take them completely apart or just one side so nothing had to go over her head. I got them on Amazon and it was because of a broken arm but they might help make it easier if he just don't want anything going over his head.

Jeff H · April 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269213#Comment_269213

I'm there with you! I try to convince my DW to shower but it's a struggle. We are on day 5 now. She too wears the same clothes all day and night for days. I try to convince her to wear fresh underwear, but she refuses. Tonight she actually wore the pajamas that I placed on our bed. I think it's about timing. My DW said that she would take a shower in the morning…

Groovy's Girl · April 2

Thank you everyone! Those are all very helpful tips. And like you, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. We've had a couple of good shower days and bathroom days. I am not holding my breath, but I'll take it! Thanks for the tips.

BikingOldMan · April 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269213#Comment_269213

Yup, infrequent showers, same clothes all day and night for many days. In our youthful days we'd "save hot water and shower with a friend…". Maybe that invitation would be helpful. It worked for me once recently.

tboard · April 4

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75681/actual-caregiving-tip

I had a very similar situation. Eventually he refused to let me remove his soiled disposable. I would beg and plead and bribe and give up, take a rest and go back at it. I decided that dirty clothing wouldn't kill him and that I just needed to be patient. Ultimately his meds have been adjusted. he can still be difficult but it is now possible to care for him. I don't think you need caregiving advice but you may need to have your DH evaluated and medication added or adjusted. I Neve liked the idea of drugs but Alzhiemer's and vascular dementia are incurable and we need to do what it takes to keep our loved ones safe.

Groovy's Girl · 12:42AM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269418#Comment_269418

We do take showers together. It does indeed make it easier. 😁

Groovy's Girl · 12:45AM

I have been using a quote from the Big Bang Theory when I'm feeling like anything i say makes no difference…

"There is no argument i can make, no threat I might level, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication" that will convince him to do as I ask.

He doesn't take any medications. He is incredibly healthy. And I have new devotions and meditations to read to help me cope. (And also, this very helpful group.)

persevere · 2:19AM

Sometimes less is more. I have found that a) if there's a struggle then stop and come back a few minutes later and b) not so much talking. Just soft encouragement words but don't try to talk them through it. They can't process it and it just causes confusion. I have read this too in different writings. Also, it's really not that important for them to have frequent showers. If they're not getting sweaty and dirty then it won't hurt to go a week. Yes, private parts get dirty but get some disposable wash cloths or other method to do clean up at night briefly. It doesn't have to be perfect at this stage.

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