Coping with delusions toward caregiver

dbarrylewis · March 31

My mother is entering the stage where she has fixations and delusions. One day she feels strongly the cats are trying to warn her of some imminent danger. The next day she is certain she’s pregnant and upset nobody will bring her to the hospital. This all ramped up in the last few months and it’s been a challenge. We’ve become much better at meeting her in her delusion and calming her.

My father cares for her. Today she told me how awful he is if she doesn’t do everything right. She became weepy saying how terrible he is and asked if she should go to the neighbors when he becomes this way. I told her to come stay with me but she said she wants to be at home.

I spend enough time in their house, and even have cameras because we’re worried she may wander. I never see any behaviors at all that match what she says or would worry me.

How do I handle this delusion? I want to validate her thoughts but that doesn’t feel right. Any advice would be appreciated!

SusanB-dil · March 31

hello and welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It often works to 'validate' by saying 'we will have to look into that'.

If she is getting very agitated, you could tell her doc. Is there a neurologist on your team? That is best, but sometimes a PCP is ok if hers really understands the dementia process. There are meds that will not cause being zombied.

SheSheSoul · April 6

When my mom was accusing my dad of a lot of strange stuff (stealing clothes, hiding her drivers license, rearranging her closet, trying to poison her, etc) I used to just listen when she would tell me all of the stuff my dad was doing. I didn’t try to convince her otherwise. It was easier to just listen and ask questions. Then I would tell her that I was going to go set him straight for her. My dad wasn’t doing the things that she said he was doing, but defending her allowed her to trust me enough to tell me more of what was happening in her head. Usually that would work and she would move on to another topic. If I tried to convince her any differently her anger would turn on me and she would swear I was in cahoots with my dad trying to hurt her.

My mom was a wanderer too when she could walk on her own. We ended up having to put a lock on the door that she couldn’t open. There are down sides to doing that, but my mom always felt like we were trying to kidnap her and my parents don’t live in a walkable neighborhood.

Coping with delusions toward caregiver

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