Adult Daycare Adjustment

Snipe · April 6

I’ve been reading the post for a while but, this is my first time posting myself. My DW of 48 years has been diagnosed with dementia for several years now. She is moderate level, probably stage 5 some 6 on the AD scale. I can no longer leave her alone and have been trying to get her to go to Adult Daycare for a few days a week just to get a break and for her to have other activities besides me. We started last week for 2 days but her adjustment has not been good. Doesn’t last very long and she has been disruptive to others and tries to leave. Definitely not her nature. I want this to work and will try this week again for maybe an hour or so a day and see how that works. Anyone have any recommendations to helping her to acclimated?

Jeff H · April 6

Welcome and post away!

That's a very good post and question! I'm close to trying that myself. What do the daycare workers at that facility recommend for getting her to adjust? Have they mentioned anything? Surely, they must have come across this before. I would think that you might have to spend time with your DW at their facility during the transition process to get her comfortable with the new surroundings.

Your DW's reaction is what I anticipate for my DW in the same situation.

Thank you for this post!

blacksparky · April 6

I sure hope your situation works out for you and your LO. In my case daycare just didn’t work out. After many attempts I decided to just stop for now. What I did do was to find two wonderful ladies in our HOA community who comes to our house to watch (visit) with my DW for a few hours twice a week so I can just get some respite. I pay them $20 an hour and they both just love sitting with my DW.

Lucie1961 · April 6

My DH was diagnosed in may 2024. He is probably late stage 5. He is now going to day centres twice a week. At first he was hesitant but we asked him to try it a few times before deciding against it. I feel like giving him a sense of control helped him be more willing to try. He actually likes it now and feels like he is helping the care providers. Good luck and stay strong.

sandwichone123 · April 6

I hope this works out for you. My dh wouldn't stay at the day care and kept trying to leave. I ended up placing him in memory care because I needed to work.

Snipe · April 6

Thank you all for the responses. The facility is a mix of disabilities not just those with dementia. There maybe around 20 or so on most days and they do have a variety of activities going on. We discussed my staying for a while but, right now, don’t see it as an advantage feeling that my DW would hang with me rather than getting involved with the other people. I’ll try for an hour or so and see what happens. I was hoping to do it today but yesterday was a little busy with Easter and she is a bit off this morning. So I’ll try again tomorrow. Don’t know what to do if it doesn’t work. Maybe try again in a few weeks?

annie51 · April 6

One piece of advice I heard in the past was to say that they need her help or they needed volunteers. If they can find something for her to do that is helpful (or make it sound helpful) she will feel needed and may look at it differently.

Carl46 · April 6

My wife never got to like it, but I HAD to have time to shop, go to doctor appointments, visit my disabled son in his RCF, and take a walk in the park, so I did it every weekday for half days. The staff greeted her at the door each day, led her away to some distraction, and I left. She was always glad to see me when I returned.

This lasted only about three months before she developed another illness and had to go to memory care with hospice assist. I don't know if she would have ever really adapted to day care.

harshedbuzz · April 6

We ended up bringing in aides instead as we knew dad would never get up and get ready in time for a day program. When I explored it, the woman in charge suggested having mom come and stay with him several times before leaving him.

She might do better at a program that is dementia informed where activities are designed to help PWD feel successful and staff are trained for common behaviors. My aunt's MCF had a couple of "daily residents" who participated in the activities programming while their family worked.

HB

Snipe · 12:55AM

Took my DW back to daycare this morning with the plan to only leave her for an hour or so while I did errands in the area. She still didn’t do well. I spoke with the director who said she would not settle down at all. Very anxious and agitated the whole time. Very stand offish and rude, kind of in denial about being there. Recommend talking to her neurologist about trying something to possibly help calm her anxiety. I’m not sure about that. I’ll probably try going and staying with her for the hour or so and see if that helps. I think she will just stay close to me rather than get involved with the activities but I don’t know what else to do right now.

JC5 · 1:36PM

I can relate! Been searching for a senior daycare for DH for 2 years!! Seems they are few in my area. Finally found one about a 30 minute drive away. He started last week going 2 days a week. He goes in ok but starts to call me incessantly after lunch. Interestingly enough as soon as I get him he has no idea where he was! Going to keep taking him. Try the shorter hours and slowly stretch it out. Good luck. We all need some time to ourselves.

Snipe · 2:55PM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269881#Comment_269881

my wife is the same. Before we get home, about 30 minutes, she has no idea where she even was or what happened.

Adult Daycare Adjustment

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