Someone’s Been in My Room

Vedabc · April 8

My mom has been in an assistant living residency for two years. She thinks that someone is coming into her unit in the middle of the night and disrupting things. It causes her to be very upset. I have cameras in the unit and I can see everything that comes in or out of her place even when I explained that I can see she is not convinced I am just now learning not to try to reason a rationalize, but it breaks my heart that she gets so upset and teary and feels violated and that she’s being treated badly I don’t know how to explain to her that she has cardiovascular dementia which causes short-term memory, and that the things that are being done she is the one who has done them. Any guidance is appreciated.

April23 · April 8

This has been one of my dad's things also from the beginning, even when he still lived at home. People are coming in all night, they are robbing him, they are coming out of the walls or the closet, etc. I think nighttime is a very confusing time for our LO's. And at my dad's place, he is checked every hour so that probably adds to the confusion.

I have found it best to try and just placate him "Dad, I'm sorry that keeps happening, everything looks fine now though, that's so annoying isn't it, I'll talk to the director about this, etc., etc." You can't explain it because explanation is no longer possible. You have to just meet them where they are and see what response brings comfort. Or just change the subject, redirect, go get a snack or go for a drive, etc.

You can also talk to her doctor about medication if the agitation continues or worsens. As my dad's dementia has progressed it seems to happen less or doesn't bother him as much, not that that is any consolation.

sandwichone123 · April 9

You may find it works better not to explain. If she's upset that someone is coming into her room, you might say something like, "Oh no! I'd be upset too!" (neither confirm nor deny). At that point you have the choice of saying you're going to ask the staff to watch out or just distracting her by looking for whatever she thinks is missing, or some other distraction.

lisn2cats · April 10

This is the one battle with my mom that I can't seem to be chill about - my mom tells me that the AL staff are coming into her room at night to either watch her or take things. The most recent is, they are stealing her tea. Good grief. Only to find out that she keeps offering and making tea for anyone and everyone who comes to her room - regardless if they want tea or not. They are also stealing her laundry. And napkins. And soap. I am trying to remember what folks here suggests (instead of fighting it) but, boy, it's hard!

terei · April 10

My mother was convinced that ‘someone’ was moving things around and stealing. I said ‘oh, no!’ And made a big deal of ‘pretending’ to change the lock on the door the next time I was alone in her room. I told her that I changed the locks and no one could sneak in again. It seemed to placate her for quite a while.

caregiving daughter · April 13

I agree with all the posts. Do not try to reason with your mom or convince her she is incorrect. Act concerned or distract.

Someone’s Been in My Room

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