Wife Slow to Move her Mom

jfkoc · April 9

Possible questions for the "pro v con" sheet.

If mom stays where she is;

who is going to take her to the grocery store/ Dr appointments /gas station/dentist /hair dresser etc

who is really going to know how she is especially if she falls..that is not going to be a neighbor or friend.

as a stay at home what activities will there be

facility will have eyes on her 24/7

Lethe · April 14

TwoInHand · April 15

It seems as though DW is leaning towards moving her mom into a facility local to where she lives that is assisted living but willing to take her and is familiar with her from prior to dementia. Wife is also realizing that maybe a diagnosis is going to be hard to get and not necessary.

I guess I just needed to let her come to these conclusions on her own. And I suspect that after a period of having her mother in that facility, DW will come to the conclusion at some point that having her mom closer to us would be better.

After spending two and half months there I have gone home. I may yet decide to investigate more local places that would be a place to move her mom closer when the time comes. As we all know, getting your name on the waiting list earlier rather than later is advisable.

Quilting brings calm · April 15

@TwoInHand

Did your in-laws own their home or rent? I’m asking because there’s a house that at the very least needs emptied, if not sold. Your wife can start looking through things and disposing of them while she’s trying to get her mom settled in that local AL. Meantime, you can start looking at facilities closer to you. Is there a possibility she could go into the same continuing care facility as your parents? So that you were both caring for people in the same place? Or does your MIL even have enough money for that? I assume NYC facilities are a lot more expensive than the one your wife is considering.

harshedbuzz · April 15

@TwoInHand

One of a few caveats for your DW, often places that offer a range of levels of care will "be willing" to place in AL knowing full well that the new resident will fail in that setting and need to be transferred to MC. She needs to make sure both are acceptable to her. This is so common I am sure it's intentional as families tend to place aspirationally for mom at her best. Care needs be be appropriate to mom at her worst.

Another thought is that moving a PWD a second time might not be possible. Even if you are willing to pay a second community fee, a loss of ambulation/self-feeding as the result of a fall or stroke would prevent you from moving her into a MCF that requires those skills on admission. In those cases you'be be left with a SNF at a higher cost.

HB

H1235 · April 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/270412#Comment_270412

I think you’re taking the right approach in letting your wife figure these things out in her own time. There will be problems with mil being so far away and the need to more her when she has progressed further, but the importance thing is to get her in a safe place. I hope you and your wife are able to get back to a normal life at least for a while before things get out of control and there is an urgent need to move her.

Robert1320 · April 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75627/wife-slow-to-move-her-mom

Contact your local Council on Aging for advice specific to where they live. They are very helpful and their help is free.

See ncoa.org

Wife Slow to Move her Mom

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