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Feeling alone

Kiki87
Kiki87 Member Posts: 5
Fourth Anniversary First Comment 5 Care Reactions
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in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)

Hello, I'm new here. Part time care giver for my mom, my best friend. I feel so alone in my grief. I know I'm not but this has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and it almost feels like no one around me even notices. I feel like my family (dad & brother) and I are so isolated. No one ever really checks in on us, or drops off meals or anything. And I know everyone is going through their own things in life but I don't know I just want to cry all the time. I love my mom so much. This fugging sucks and I'm so sad.

Comments

  • Jeff H
    Jeff H Member Posts: 225
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. We all are. You are not alone. Please use this forum to post anything at any time.

    Free 24/7 Alzheimer’s & Dementia Helpline | Call 800.272.3900
  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 355
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    My wife's sister lives 4 doors up from us. They both were raised catholic and went to only catholic schools growing up. My wife was very devoted. Her sister puts on a good show. No visit. No call. This on the highest of holidays. If we see her more than once a week it's only by accident. What a phony. She told our helper the other day that her sister doesn't know her anymore. I guess that makes it ok in her small mind.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 6,958
    Ninth Anniversary 1,500 Insightfuls Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments
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    @Kiki87

    Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

    The lack of understanding and support is why spaces like this and IRL support groups are so important. Come often— we're your people for now.

    The grief you are feeling is called anticipatory grief.

    https://www.verywellhealth.com/understanding-anticipatory-grief-and-symptoms-2248855

    YMMV, but I found medication for anxiety/depression helpful when this was impacting me with others.

    HB

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 550
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75740/feeling-alone

    Glad that you have found this site. The sad reality is that no one can fully appreciate the grief that sometimes overwhelms one who loves a person with dementia. That person can look just fine, act just fine, talk just fine for years so non-caretakers really get it. As a caretaker, even part time, you will see your mom's changes and miss the relationship you had with her. Look for an Alz support group, go to therapy, get on anti-anxiety meds…take care of yourself. ditto all that for your dad and brother because I am sure that they are grieving as well. Hang in there. You are not alone.

  • Penny16
    Penny16 Member Posts: 2
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75740/feeling-alone

    I’m also going through this. I’d love to have a friend to chat with as I don’t know anyone personally going through this.

  • Robert1320
    Robert1320 Member Posts: 38
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Likes 5 Insightfuls Reactions
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75740/feeling-alone

    You can find local support through your local Council on Aging. They are really good & understand what you are going through.

    See ncoa.org for more information.

    And it's ok to explicitly ask for help from others. They won't know your needs until you let them know. It's worked for me.

  • Michele P
    Michele P Member Posts: 549
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75740/feeling-alone

    Welcome. I am so sorry. I know this pain. Read a post from Bill who is on this site called The Calvary Isn’t Coming. Unfortunately, most of us have experienced the grief and isolation of caring for a loved one. A therapist or support group can help. You can ask people you think might be willing to help for one thing you might need help with. That seems to work better than asking for more than they are capable of providing.

  • dancsfo
    dancsfo Member Posts: 387
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    edited April 11

    I'm sorry, but there are people on this forum who care and had these experiences. While online groups are useful, as others state, I do recommend other ways to talk to people. That may be via teleconference like Zoom, or maybe in person. The resources listed earlier are all useful.

    Your grief also builds up stress for you, and that's ultimately not good for you or your mom. It depends on each person, but you can act glum, and a PWD may detect that and may end up worrying, or the sadness can rub off.

  • Ed's mom
    Ed's mom Member Posts: 106
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269715#Comment_269715

    Please don't connect outside here, there are many of us. I am alone taking care of my LO, we have no family and only one friend who comes by still. You really aren't alone, we all are in many ways we never expected. Thanks for sharing, don't go away.

  • Andi C
    Andi C Member Posts: 52
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    Member

    Welcome to this site, not the one any of us are eager to join, but a place to come to hear others in the same situation. I've only been on here a few months and find myself in a situation similar to yours, no real support from family or friends, which is hard, but unfortunately a reality.

    I've found suggestions and ideas from others on here to be helpful and the opportunity to ask questions has been great for feeling my way through this.

    Come back often as you might see a post that rings a bell for you, vent when you need to and know that others here can relate.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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