I needed an outlet to rant sorry I rambled

Welcome. Ranting is definitely welcome here. We get it. So sorry you are going through this. Anger and resentment are not uncommon with dementia and are often directed towards the caretaker (ironically the one doing all the work). You are absolutely right not to argue with her. It will serve no purpose and you will still be wrong. Her brain is not working correctly. Many with dementia also have anosognosia this is the inability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. Since they think they are fine they get angry with anyone who tries to help them or limit their independence. Sometimes distractions work (ice cream) or just sympathizing with her might work, but probably not often enough. You said she acts kid a child. I will attach a staging tool. If you look closely you will see that it actually has an age equivalence at each stage. My mom told me “ you’re not the boss of me, I can do whatever I want”. Have your parents talked with her doctor about medication for anxiety. Even if she is already on something, it might be time to increase the dose. The right medication and dose will not make her a zombie! You might also ask your doctor about medication. I put it off for way too long, but it has helped a lot. I know I sound like I’m just pushing drugs, but I don’t know how you can get through this without them. I’m glad you found our group.

My ex and I were in your shoes early in our marriage. We never stopped working but had the daily stress of helping with the care of a relative. Here’s my advice to you: you are too young to put your life on hold and help with this care. You need to live your life and work. Not working now with have a severe impact on your income and future job opportunities. If your parents need help, they need to figure out if that involves in home hired care or out of home placement. Please, do not get guilted into putting your life on hold. My relative had Alzheimer’s for 20 years! It changed our lives forever and led to divorce.