My mom is gone, grieving and pissed off (just a vent I guess)

10 years of dementia and the last three were exceedingly difficult and I feel I've been through a meat grinder (I am a different person now). I was the only person in the family (her only daughter) to step up and try to help navigate all of her care needs, as well as the legal and financial situation of my parents (both in their 80s). I was also a caregiver part-time providing her personal care, even when she became aggressive and resistant to our helping her. I worked a full-time job this whole time and spent down a lot of my vacation and sick leave in order to be there for her and dad. I ended up getting her into a decent nursing home where dad and I continued to care for her and visit her weekly. She died peacefully on hospice at the nursing home.

For some reason, my sibling and his spouse decided mom's death was a good time to insert themselves into the picture and actually showed up to the funeral home today wanting to give input on her funeral plans. (They seemed to invite themselves or dad told them to show up and may have kept that information from me in hopes of reconciliation). I was livid, since all of this time we have needed more care for mom and they showed little interest or initiative (even when I asked for help). I let them know that as I cared for my mom I would be planning the funeral. They are extremely self absorbed and I was told I do not communicate with my brother enough.

This is when I miss my mom the most as she would have called their bullshit by now and told dad her thoughts about it too. The family dynamics are completely different now. I will never regret having taken care of her though. She was a great mom and so much the reason I am the person that I am.