How to handle hurtful lies

mba248 · April 20

How do I handle my mother making up extremely hurtful lies about people? I can handle lies about minor things but she will say her car was "stolen from her" (my best friend's son bought it). She also told me that my cousin couldn't have children because she'd had an abortion in the past. When I ask how she knows this, she can't give me an answer.

Should I ignore it, change the subject? Is there ever a time when I should tell her she's lying and it isn't right to do that?

H1235 · April 20

Welcome. Her brain is not working right. The wires are getting crossed. She may have seen something about a stolen car on the news and that is getting mashed up with her car not being there. Maybe she had a friend that couldn’t have kids because of an abortion and that is getting mixed up with the cousin. She is NOT lying. She truly believes what she is saying is true. Most people with dementia also have anosognosia. This is a medical inability to recognize symptoms, limitations or even the confusing wires being crossed. Usually no amount of explaining or even physical proof will convince the pwd of anything. I would not correct her! Change the subject or distract her with something else. If you just can’t get her off the subject and she seems upset, you might even find it helpful to go along with the delusion. Sympathize with her if it brings her some peace. I hope this helps. I’m glad you found us.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

terei · April 21

She is living her own reality. If you tell her she is lying, I’m afraid you will damage your relationship + cause conflict with her, which you certainly dont want. I would just learn to start changing the subject when she comes up with these statements

SDianeL · April 21

You have received good advice above. She is having delusions and confabulations. She believes they are real. Never argue with her. It will only increase her anxiety. I would speak to her doctor about medications for delusions and anxiety.

Merla · April 21

this is hard but there really isn't a solution. My parent says horrible untrue things about family members who care about her and who she used to care a lot about. Ie family members being evil and killing people, a family member being an alcoholic when actually her late husband was one. I think the best you can do is to acknowledge what she said and try to move on and change the subject. Like oh wow I didn't know that and then move on to a different topic so she doesn't focus on the untrue story she has in her head.

How to handle hurtful lies

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