Crisis of Faith

@Palmetto Peg

We lost our 31 year old son three years ago this coming Friday. One of the things that made me maddest was when someone told me ‘It happened for a reason’ - basically the G*d’s will thing. I turned to her and said ‘ the reason was he forgot his medication and had a seizure’. I haven’t spoken to that person since. If deaths are G*d’s will -then why do we put murderers or drunk drivers in jail?

Here’s my thoughts: the bad things that happen don’t come from G*d or from the other side either. Nor do I think he stops bad things from happening. They are just the realities of life on earth. I just acknowledge that bad things happen to everyone - so why NOT me?

FYI- I don’t go to church either even though I do believe in G*d. I just don’t believe in church.

Working thru grief is just that…work. It doesn't come easy, it doesn't come quickly. And there is no rhyme or reason for their passing. I lost my husband just in September. Others may think it is time to move in or that enough time has passed to feel better Believe me, I am still a work in progress. One of the things that has helped me from crumbling is a support group I am now in, and I have never been a joiner, but they all GET IT, and don't ask impossible questions that have no answers. Hope this helps, even just for now

Thanks for this question and sorry in advance for a bit of a rambling answer…but this definitely hits a nerve for me. I have been part of a church all of my life, but this disease resulted in very little support and a lot of discomfort from my fellow Christians. Why would a healthy, loving and intelligent husband and father, who had a difficult childhood but overcame hardship to do so much good - why would he get Alzheimer's? I had people tell me to pray for a miracle that he would recover, that I just needed to trust that he could be healed; who wanted to find some reason why he was suffering (one even suggesting that maybe it was something God wanted me to to learn from caregiving), and other unsupportive and hurtful comments. I quit taking him to church as it was awkward and his behaviors made it difficult. Now - 8 months after he passed - I haven't been back. I feel comfort when I pray and know that God is with me, but I don't understand why this happened to my guy (any more than I understand childhood cancer, or accidental deaths) and I don't want someone to try to tell me why. God didn't promise us answers, or happiness, but he did promise us comfort when needed, in getting through this life. He also said we would have trials. Some of these trials just seem cruel and unfair. So - I think God knows we will struggle, but hearing people try to tell me WHY or assume they actually know what God intends is just too much. Not ready for church yet - and I don't think the people at church are ready for me, as they don't want to face the truth that sometimes life is just heart breaking and there is no way to fix it.

I too have "lost my faith" after the loss of my DW last August. Like others, I am so tired of the common responses offered. While I trust their comments are meant with good intention, they are of no value having lived for years watching my DW slowly leave me right before my eyes. I don't know if there is a higher power but I hate to think so and that good power inflicts this disease on a good person. I have started, maybe restarted is better, my own search for answers to the hard questions that arise from the loss of one we loved and cared for for so long. It is difficult to have open conversations with others about such subjects as most are not open to other considerations about the how and why's of life and death. I will never argue that their beliefs are not true. I do not know for sure about any of this. However, the simple responses of "You have to trust", He knows best", "It is God's will", etc., etc. do not satisfy me. Without getting too deep into such a difficult question, my search of comparisons of all established religions seem to all lead back, in their pure form, to several common simple principles which I can accept. Perhaps each found their "leader" in a form that fit within their culture and time. I just have a hard time believing a power that is good would allow what happened to my DW. It seems more likely that it is just life and nature at play. I hope all find peace and whatever belief or power they trust to comfort them. My search continues.