Please, I need some advice…
My DH who is wheelchair bound due to instability has become very disoriented early (3, 4, 5 am) in the mornings and becomes trapped in some work loop where he insists he HAS to get up right then and get to office to deal with some kind of critical situations. I’m not supposed to get him out of bed by myself for safety reasons and I have back issues. He gets more and more agitated and angry if he thinks I’m trying to keep him in bed. The last time he was so agitated, I did get him out of bed, but he then tried to (and did) get out of his chair w/o walker and scared me to death that he was going to fall. I’ve resorted to giving him some lorazepam, which takes a while but eventually calms him some. This morning he had completely undressed himself. In order to shower and go to work and had managed to get his legs over the rails and was desperately trying to get out of bed. I just don’t know the best way to handle this. Redirection hasn’t worked at all. I’d love to hear of any similar situations or suggestions.
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I’m so sorry. Could you tell him work called and said everything is taken care, no need to come in today?
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Hi, @starwood
Something like that happened to us at 2:30 am this morning! Luckily I remembered a technique my therapist suggested - “First…….then….” Statement. It is a form of redirection by acknowledging the person’s desires/emotions and then redirects.
My husband is a retired pilot. He was looking frantically for his flight bag this morning. What I said to him was “First you need to get a good night’s sleep and then we can look for your flight bag after 8 o’clock.” (I was not a happy camper to be so rudely awakened, so my tone wasn’t the best, but he got the message and went back to bed.)
I like what @H1235 offered. Perhaps you can think of a couple of “First…..then…..” statements about his work and have them at the ready when your DH tries this again?
Hugs 💝
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How I wish that would work, but it doesn’t. I’ve tried numerous variations of that. 😕
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That is a good technique and sometimes it works, but often it doesn’t if he’s really focused. I’ve tried to figure out the underlying feeling and deal with that, but he has always been very work driven and it’s hard to shake that. A big worry is whether or not I should just give in and get him out of bed, try to get him involved in something and take the risk that he won’t try to get up and walk around to get to the car…..or try to manage until the hospice caregiver arrives. I can tell I’m not going to be very good at this as his mental confusion increases. i have this slight underlying sense of panic when it becomes obvious I’m not handling the situation very well. Plus, it seems likes he’s becoming somewhat suspicious and resentful of me which just makes it all worse. I know many of you are much further along in this journey and deal with much more difficult situations, and I’m wondering if I’ll be able to do it. My DH and I vowed to each other that we would do whatever it took to stay and die at home when our health deteriorated, but that really is a vow made blindly (even when you think you know what it might entail)!
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Forget about any promise of this nature IMO. Your own health and well being are AT LEAST as important as his. Stress from dealing with these behaviors is very damaging to you physical and mental health. You may want to talk to his Dr about possible anti anxiety (or other)meds that could make it easier for you manage to deflect his obsessive leanings
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Maybe it’s time to consider an antipsychotic such as serequol or risperdone. From everything I’ve been through with my DW and as long as I’ve been on this site these are used for multiple purposes whether it be delusions or agitation or aggression, etc. Something to put him in a different frame of mind. Worth a try. If it doesn’t work or makes things worse then stop.
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My DH was looking to go to work in the middle of the night too. He would take a shower, get dressed and head for the door. One time he left, with me behind him. He kept walking and walking. I wound up calling the police and getting an ambulance to bring him to the ER for altered mental status. This is when I decided to place him in MC for his own safety and my own sanity. Sorry, I know how difficult this is.
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Talk to Hospice about medication plan and adjustment. Big hugs to you
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I truly don’t know what I’d do if he was independently mobile. Probably be going out of my mind. I’m totally stressed when he’s in his chair, either trying or actually getting out of it without a walker (not that he can handle a walker independently).
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Yes, it’s time to talk to hospice more about it. I ended up giving him some lorazepam this morning which after awhile, calmed him down. The day went okay, but 2 hours after he went to bed tonight, he was again trying to get out of bed because his students were waiting on him. His 75 mg of trazadone isn’t making much of a dent. Nurse said to increase to 100 mg so we’ll see if that makes a difference. I guess we’re truly into the world of sundowning now. Lucky us!
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He has lorazepam prescribed as needed, and trazadone at night. Lorazepam calms him after a while, but so far trazadone isn’t really doing it. Time for more talks with nurse, I guess.
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The panic feeling you mention is common in many of us, I think. To manage it, I am taking an anti-anxiety medication. I still think the same thoughts that caused the panic feeling, but my body doesn't react like that anymore. It might be an option worth considering, to help you through some of this.
That won't fix what your DH is experiencing, though. He must have been very dedicated in his work to be so worried about his students.
I am so sorry that both of you are going through this! You are doing everything you can to keep DH home, but in his right mind I am sure he would not want you to jeopardize your own health to do that. Placement is not abandonment, it is survival… love continues through all stages of this disease.
I have no personal experience with this yet, but something to consider or look into: Sometimes families need a facility during the wandering/agitation phase, but later, when someone becomes bedbound, perhaps bringing them home to die with their family would be an option (especially with help from Hospice). I don't know if that's an option or not, but it might be worth asking.
Dementia care changes, phase by phase. The wandering phase can often be the most difficult phase for the care partner, and the most dangerous for the PLWD. I am praying you can find a way to make this easier on both of you.
Gram
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Lorazepam did not work well for my DW and neither did trazadone. Sounds like you did have some luck with lorazepam. For sleep I have relied on 30mg of temazepam. Works very well. Serequol and depakote are other meds that have helped our situation.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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