What do you do when they push you away?

Niecey2loved1 · April 17

Dementia has really hurt my family tremendously.

I live long distance from the rest of the family. My aunt has dementia. She's pretty upset with me for setting boundaries for myself. Long story short, I was expected to be her caregiver without any consent from me. So, when I would call my aunt, she would yell and cry through the phone that I disappointed her. She told me I was out of her will. The will I cared nothing about.

I called her again another time thinking she was having a bad day. She basically asked me why do I keep calling her? I told her I was concerned. She said, don't be and hung up. So when would try to call her again, (she has caller ID)she will either not answer it or pick up the phone and hang it up without speaking.

A friend told me I should go visit, but with the distance, I live far from her and the rest of the family and I would need a place sleep over. Aunt has incontinence, and the family living near by never offered me a room to stay over.

So, I literally feel pushed away from all of them. I have been told to move on with my life, which is what I have been doing, but I still feel hurt that my aunt has taken this stance with me and literally pushed me away.

Anyone else been in this situation where you just feel pushed away no matter how hard you have tried?

caregiving daughter · April 22

Please do not be upset by your aunt. To the extent there is cognitive impairment, there are things being said due to lack of judgement. Has anything been put in writing regarding caregiving? Powers of attorney, for example?

Niecey2loved1 · April 30

I don't think she has a POA. Every time I called, she was combative towards me or she now just doesn't answer the phone anymore. I check in with family closer to her living wise and they just tell me she's fine and leave it at that.

Thank you.

Niecey2loved1 · April 30

H1235 · May 2

The early stages of dementia can be hard to spot. In the beginning I didn’t realize that symptoms like, stubbornness, poor judgment, mood changes, inability to plan, problems with priorities could be dementia. I saw dementia only in terms of memory loss. On top of that, some people just put blinders on and avoid it until they can’t. I don’t see how there is much you can do. It’s unfortunate she has not appointed a DPOA. This will make things difficult down the road.

Niecey2loved1 · May 6

Thank you.

What do you do when they push you away?

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