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Dad with Dementia.

jadm516
jadm516 Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
This is my first time posting here. I care for both of my parents. My dad has been living with dementia for nearly four years now. Over the past week, his aggression and anger have increased significantly. Usually, when he becomes upset and fixates on something, I’m able to redirect or calm him down. But this week, nothing seemed to help. He physically hit me three times.

I also care for my mom, and since he was directing his anger toward her as well, I decided to take him to the ER after the last aggressive incident. We hoped an infection like a UTI might be causing the change in behavior, but all tests came back normal. He was admitted to the hospital, and now I’m beginning the process of finding a Memory Care Facility for him.

I do have support from a VA caseworker, but I’m feeling really overwhelmed. Unfortunately, he doesn’t qualify for the VA community center, so I was given a list of options to consider. If anyone has any advice or tips for navigating this process, I would be so grateful. Thank you in advance.

Comments

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 2,342
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    Member

    Welcome. It sounds like you did the right thing by taking him to the hospital. As much as you love your dad you need to keep you and your mom safe. I hope they are able to find medication to help him. It can take a while. With a history of violence a facility may want some reassurance that he is receiving medication to keep that under control. Facilities in my area have a waiting list to get in. You might have problems. Mc is expensive! If cost is an issue you may need to consider Medicaid. Unfortunately in many states Medicaid will only cover a nursing home. I hope the caseworker can help. I will attach Medicaid information just in case.

    https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,421
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    Member

    If you are able to self pay, research MC facilities and read reviews. Select three and make appointments to tour them. Once you make a selection a nurse and social worker there will assist. If you can’t self pay, and if the VA caseworker can’t help, I would speak to an elder care attorney to discuss Medicaid options in your state and other financial questions.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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