How to stop POA from calling/answering scam numbers

Maru · May 5

DH did it again, he called a number that was on his Ipad . I am guessing that he keeps clicking on something on FB that triggers a lockdown of his Ipad. This has been going on for several months. Unbeknownst to me, accompanying the lockdown is a message to call a certain number as the account has been hacked.

Without going into all the details of what all the call entailed, they managed to get him to say his name and our zip code. ( they were trying for our address). We nearly got scammed out of $300k 2 years ago and we had a big discussion on calling such numbers that are sent to you to fix a problem, and about giving out any information. I have primary access to all $$ accounts, but he can still get into them. (I'll change that today).

I can't take his Ipad away as that is one of the main thing he does. And, I can't take his phne away as he talks to his brother almost every day. Is there a way to keep him from calling any numbers other than certain approved number (family, etc) as well as receiving calls from unknown numbers. He has a VOIP phone. Appreciate any advice.

harshedbuzz · May 5

TAKE AWAY THE IPAD AND PHONE.

As POA you have a fiduciary obligation to protect his assets. Full stop.

He's on the radar of scammers as an easy hit already. He's going to get scammed and you don't get a do-over if he does. He's beyond a discussion. That's reasoning with a person who has a broken reasoner.

You could try slipping his devices into airplane mode if he has games apps that don't require WiFi. You could so change the WiFi password and tell him the internet must be out because they're working on it. He can call his brother from your phone.

Picture your life without the $300K he nearly gave away. Would you be able to afford in-home assistance or a MCF is one were needed at some point? What about your own needs in stage 8 given that you won't have a spouse to assist you when needed?

My dad day traded away $360K sometime around 2008. I begged mom to get him off the computer, but she refused. He was an unpleasant person as his baseline and frankly she didn't want to deal with his agitation when denied his computer/smart phone or entertain him 24/7 since he couldn't really do anything else. The vastly reduced nest egg informed decisions around his care which meant mom kept him home much longer than she should have. This led to some preventable health issues including vision loss that have robbed her of her freedom. At some point assuming she lives long enough, she will need AL because of vision issues, and her choices will be restricted as my state does not fund AL via Medicaid when she runs out of money.

HB

blacksparky · May 5

I agree with @harshedbuzz. There are times that we have to make very hard decisions on what’s best for not only our LO but also us. When I was in the mindset of being her loving husband, it tore me apart to make even a small decision because of my feeling guilty. When my DW stopped recognizing me as her husband, I became her caregiver and my decisions were a lot easier to make to prevent my DW from any disastrous outcomes. It’s a tough thing to do but it has to be done.

JDancer · May 5

I know your LO wants their Ipad and phone but the sad truth is, dementia takes many things from all of us. Better to lose the Ipad than all their/your money.

Please take Harshedbuzz's advice.

Cocosays · May 5

I’m not sure what type of phone your LO has but I was able to use the assistive access feature on my DH’s iPhone. You can set up access to contacts for incoming and outgoing calls. It is fairly user friendly for them. Assistive access can easily be turned on and off by you via a passcode. Hugs to you as you navigate this.

BPS · May 5

I think there are phones that only approved numbers can call in or out. They are designed for young kids for protection. I don't know much about them but it may be an option.

harshedbuzz · May 5

@Maru

Since he's already using VOIP as a phone service provider, perhaps replacing that provider with Telecalm would provide a level of security for the phone. Alas, it would not protect you with him on the internet or accessing scam emails or texts on the iPad.

https://www.telecalmprotects.com/telecalm-caregiver/

HB

H1235 · May 5

I would make sure there are no credit cards connected with his iPad. Maybe it time to reconsider what apps are safe for him. Would it work to just delete any app that may be a problem along with the App Store app itself and the internet browser. There is a lot of junk on facebook, I don’t know about that. I wonder if you visited the phone store if they could help you find a way to block all outgoing and even incoming calls except for those approved. I don’t know maybe that’s not a thing. As BPS said maybe a different phone that allows for more restrictions would work. Keep in mind learning new technology can be hard. If it’s too different he may not be able to use it.

Maru · May 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/271722#Comment_271722

Ty, this sounds like it exactly what we need. I will contact his current carrier first to see if they offer something similar.

Sunfish47 · May 6

This is really difficult but you must protect your assets !!!!!
My DH went thru this phase. He answered every phone call from anyone. And spoke with random strangers on Facebook.
He had several credit cards and sent money and gift cards to his admirers - and when I saw the charges come thru, I informed the credit card companies that he was scammed and the charges were elder abuse. This caused the companies to close those accounts and send new cards, which I was able to intercept in the mail and destroy them. I then told DH the accts were closed due to fraud and thankfully he accepted this and I don’t think he tried to open new credit cards accounts.
He also sent money from our chkkng acct (a few hundred dollars) and 2 new iPhones to strangers. When I found out I changed the online access to our checking account and also moved most of the cash to a new acct under only my name.
He still had access to his retirement accts and was getting ready to send a large amt to “invest” in a scheme when I realized what was happening. I called to Schwab, was connected to the dept that watches accts for fraud and explained the situation, and they put a lock on his accts so he couldn’t withdraw cash without checking with his POAs (our daughters).
His cognition has progressed and he is now past the stage where he can do any financial damage.

Maru · May 7

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. DH has an Ooma phone and service (VOIP) and they do offer a service that restricts who he can call and blocks unwanted incoming calls…spam and the like. So I have updated the contact list on his phone to family only and I turned off his ringer so that he will not hear the phone ring. He will have to look for his voice mail to find callers. That should take care of the problem.

Love how helpful everyone here is. Thanks all.

How to stop POA from calling/answering scam numbers

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