What I did today...another form of venting

Bowerbird · May 5

Here is what I did today at the multi-thousand dollar MC where my DH lives:

Woke him from a nap at 11:15 AM
Brushed his hair
Cleaned his smudged glasses
Shaved him
Took a short walk with him
Requested the aide change his soiled briefs (yes, I checked them first)
Walked to lunch (he didn't eat the overcooked broccoli -I wouldn't have either) and sat with him while he ate
Gave him the sliced apples I brought, so he could have fresh fruit once in a while
Assisted him in water flossing and brushing his teeth
Changed the sheets on his bed because they were the same ones from over a week ago, maybe two.
Texted the hairdresser to make sure she cuts his hair the next time she comes, because they never post her schedule (how am I going pay her in cash, if I don't know if I'll be there when she comes?)
Stuffed his dirty laundry into two large plastic bags to take home, so that his clothes won't disappear forever, even though they all have name tags in them
Walked him to the Cinco de Mayo party that was about to start because he complained that if I left, he would have nothing to do (He never goes to activities, so he probably left right after I did at 2:15 PM)
Felt guilty for leaving, as usual, thinking I should've stayed with him for the party, but I was too tired and hungry at that point

Yes, it is true that the caregiving doesn't stop just because they are in a MC facility. All in all, it is a good facility, possibly one of the better ones in town, and they seem to treat him well, but despite the high cost of the place, they never have enough help.

Quilting brings calm · May 6

Ask the director if they can keep an envelope with a small amount of cash for the hairdresser that you can replenish /or if there’s a way the facility pays the hairdresser and bills you.

Bowerbird · May 6

Thank you Quilting, for the suggestion. Having the facility pay and bill me is a great idea in theory. The former hairdresser did that, but this new one requires cash and I cannot imagine who would dispense it. I will inquire about that.

H1235 · May 6

In al the director kept an envelope (with cash) for each resident for those types of expenses. I don’t think the money was very well accounted for (no statement telling me how the money was spent), but it wasn’t much money. In the nursing home there is an actual account I put money in (I just write a check and give it to the business manager) and I get a statement each month showing what was used from it. It’s too bad they don’t have something like that. I just assumed it was standard practice.

Bowerbird · May 6

Thank you H1235. That is very helpful information. My DH has only lived in MC for 3 months, so I'm not sure if that possibility exists. I will inquire about it.

ARIL · May 9

Similarly, in AL we kept a small amount of cash in a locked drawer in the room—the same one where meds were kept in blister packs. Only the AL staff had keys to the drawer. When there was a minor expense like a haircut (the stylist only took cash), the money came from the drawer. I was alerted when I needed to replenish it.

Now in MC, I can request a haircut for my dad. The cost is a line item on the next monthly bill.

In short, the facility should be able to help you with this somehow.

schmidty · May 9

I hear you @Bowerbird . My days look a lot like yours. I have my dad in a real nice residence but they still gauge us for every little thing (ex: Asking them to remind him to take a shower - $15. ). We've noticed a steep decline in his memory and want to move him from semi automatous to full care but we have to go through multi-layer interviews to get him accepted. Just crappy in general despite what we pay. Hope you're doing okay 🖤

persevere · 3:32AM

I gotta say, doesn’t sound like you’re getting your money’s worth. A week or two since his sheets were changed? I don’t have any experience with MCs other than touring several. But this seems unacceptable to me.

What I did today...another form of venting

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