Unhappy Birthday

nickerfish · May 7

It was my birthday today. And as my dad sang me happy birthday from his bed in a nursing home, my mom was just glazed over. It didn't register at all. It was a profound moment for me. Only 2 years ago she had it in a loop in her mind to tell people that her kids were born on the same day. The people she told were family and friends so they already knew. And now 2 years later, it doesn't compute AT ALL. It was a very sad moment for me. And it was an important bookmark in this journey from hell on how fast her condition is progressing. I appreciate all the advice but if I'm being honest I didn't find it helpful at all. Its like telling me not to take it personal when my mom says horrible things to me. I know its not my "mom" saying these things. But when its her in every way besides the words coming from her mouth, its impossible not to take it personal. That's not the same thing as blaming her. I know that people's hearts are in the right place. I know there are common things amongst those afflicted. But not all those afflicted are going to manifest the commonalities the same way because they are all individual people. I know there are guidelines on how to respond to common behaviours. But its easier said then done to just shut off 50 years of reacting to her as my mother as opposed to a very sick individual that I have no connection to. Nobody seems to have the magic formula for that one. If I sound bitter, its because I am.

highdeserthopeful · May 7

Im fully with you and sending so much love. Last year we had such a good bday, but this year was truly horrible. Its hard to recover from the painful things 🫶🏾🙏🏾

Emily 123 · May 7

Yes, it’s normal, and really hard to separate it out and not take to heart. I couldn’t, and then would feel even worse because that would add guilt on top of everything else. This disease just keeps chipping away. Glad you’re here and able to vent. Don’t forget that the hotline is available if you want to talk it out too. Wishing you some peace on this hard day.

notequipped · May 7

I don’t have any words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Most days I feel like I’m in a bad body snatching horror movie

I’m sorry that we are in this situation. Hang in there and happy birthday.

lisn2cats · May 7

Sorry you had a difficult birthday. IDK. I don't there IS any magic words of advice or formula other than knowing you are not alone. I am an only (adopted) child and my birthday almost (barely) surpassed Christimas celebrations. Both of my parents went out of their way to make my day extra special. After my dad passed last year, and with my mom's declining memory, this year was a little rough. I did, however, have the forethought to have my mom sign a couple of occasion cards (and continue to have her sign cards when she is in a good state), which I keep in a keepsake box. This year, I mentioned it was my birthday (which made her upset because she felt guilty for not "even getting a card." Then I showed her the envelope and said that she did but just forgot, and we opened the card and had a sweet treat together. BUT. I know eventually we will get to the point where she, too, will stop registering things happening around her. I feel like the stories and advice here on this forum help to prepare me…of course it doesn't help as much if you're in the midst of the rough road.

I hope you’re able to find moments of comfort wherever you can.

psg712 · May 7

Hugs for you. I have had a few of those moments on (previously) special occasions too, each one a step down from the last. There's no way to make it ok. Your mom is supposed to be there for you, and she really isn't anymore. I'm so sorry.

Unhappy Birthday

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