New diagnosis/living with angry spouse

johnbb · May 7

I am new here. Wife recently diagnosed with early dementia. How does a person cope with someone’s anger without throwing up your hands and running for the hills?

Chance Rider · May 7

I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s diagnosis but glad you found this very informative, caring and helpful community. You’ll likely receive great tips and info. I had a great deal of anxiety and depression when my husband was diagnosed. His outbursts triggered me which only escalated the situation.

My husband, now stage 5, was put on Sertraline to help manage his moods. It’s done wonders to greatly reduce his outbursts. I asked my PCP for something to help me with my own emotions and now take Fluoxetine which has helped me calm down. I also used to (and still do sometimes) want to run to the hills.

blacksparky · May 7

I am so sorry to hear your news but happy you have found this site. My wife was diagnosed 3 years ago with early onset Alzheimer’s at the age of 53 with symptoms several years prior, even though at the time I never expected Alzheimer’s because she was so young. I always thought that older people got Alzheimer’s but not young people. My DW is currently in stage 6 and we are coping as well as we can. Take some time to let your news sink in before you start planning. Get a trust done while your LO can still sign and understand if don’t have one along with a durable power of attorney for both medical and financial. There will be more people who will respond to you that are better in explaining things.

johnbb · May 8

thank you! Nice to know I am not alone

Jeff H · May 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75985/new-diagnosis-living-with-angry-spouse

I'm sorry you are here, but I'm glad you found us.

My (66 now 67) DW was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last fall. She is currently in stage 5 to some in 6. Earlier this year my DW was aggressive towards me both physically and verbally. Her neurologist prescribed Sertraline for the anxiety and Rexulti for the aggression. Rexulti is very expensive even after Medicare or other drug plans. I chose to accept that however because today every day is very manageable. My DW is no longer aggressive, and she is not drugged up. It was a lifesaver for me. I know medications aren't always the answer but in this case, it has worked wonders.

I would ask your DW's neurologist for suggestions.

As blacksparky has mentioned, get your Wills/trusts and Power of Attorney in order now for medical and financial.

Dan520 · May 8

My wife, 62, was diagnosed last October. She had to retire 5 years ago because she couldn't do her job. She blamed stress from covid. It was hard to argue that but I had suspicions though because her mom had dementia/alz. Her mom could get mean. She died 2 months ago. Now my wife is turning into her. We just completed wills, power of attorneys and health care proxies 2 days ago.

YOU are not alone! Some days I wish that I didn't wake up. Life is short. I'll hang in there with help from doctors but more so from this forum. If a person has not been put into the position that we are in right now, they can be sympathetic but they can not really understand. Hang in there brother!!

iowagirl1961 · May 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75985/new-diagnosis-living-with-angry-spouse

My dh was very angry for the first few years after his diagnosis (6 years ago) and as others have said, a Sertraline prescription helped. Progression of his illness seems to have also shown a decline in the anger. He is now Stage 6 and although he still gets frustrated is much less emotional.

Ed's mom · May 8

Welcome, I'm still new here. My LO is still testing and being diagnosed but no one has asked me about nasty yet. The constant anger and arguments. I'm blessed to be near the ocean where no one hears screaming. This is a safe place to vent, I already feel at home here, it's become my refuge

Jeff H · May 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/271960#Comment_271960

Vent away! It's a great forum for support ideas and suggestions for help.

cashafer · May 9

New to the group, my spouse has been paranoid and having persecutorial delusions and such for several months - he has not been diagnosed for sure with dementia though that is one of the theories since he had a hemorrhagic stroke in 2024, (other theory is that it is his pituitary macro-adenoma) it is just the two of us and I don't have any family or really any other support here and I am at the end of my rope - he keeps swinging all over the spectrum either thinking someone wants to kidnap/harm me or that I am not his wife (more frequently on the latter recently) antipsychotics don't seem to be helping much, he doesn't think he has a problem, we can't get into a neurologist until September. I have an extremely difficult time getting him to any doctor's appointment since he thinks I am trying to get him committed or arrested or sell his kidney (he has a 14mm kidney stone to top it off I am having trouble getting taken care of because of his fears). So now I am in burnout and yelling and have no way to decompress...

Russinator · May 9

((HUGS))

Timmyd · May 11

What worked for me was to try and identify the triggers for the anger and work to avoid them. It took a lot of practice. Eventually truth became less important, facts become less important. What became more important was getting through the day peacefully. It has been a huge adjustment but I will say for me, the later stages have been easier on me emotionally than the earlier stages.

SDianeL · May 11

welcome. Sorry about your wife’s diagnosis. Learn all you can about the disease so you can help her. Read the book “The 36 Hour day” and search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Anxiety causes the agitation. Speak to her doctor about anti anxiety medication. We understand what you are going through. 💜

New diagnosis/living with angry spouse

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