knowledge of current events in staging
Last night sweetie and I were having a relaxed conversation about life, the world and past memories. For some reason the recent events in several foreign countries came up. I asked him a couple of questions about several countries that had been prominent in all the news for the past few weeks. Some of the information we talked about he had not the least idea about and some of the rest, he confabulated. And, yet, judging by our daily casual chit chat, I had thought he was aware of all the news.
I had guessed that he was in stage 3-4 or middle stage but this seemed to confirm that. My point in mentioning all this is that even when your LO really seems to be on top of knowing things, they may not be and you won't know unless you go beyond a surface conversation. I am so reminded of one of the Tam Cummings video.
Comments
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I couldn’t agree with you more. Unfortunately, I discovered this a bit too late. My Mom lived about 40 minutes away. I would speak to her on the phone at least weekly. The problem was that we weren’t having in depth conversations and that I wasn’t listening as much as I was talking. What was diagnosed as MCI impairment almost exactly 2 years ago has progressed well beyond that. I believe that she is at least stage 5 now. Her well meaning friends have given me an earful and one of them actively encourages her to ‘stand up to me’ because she thinks that she can live alone, drive, etc. FWIW, her PCP does not believe that she is capable of either of these things. Hoping that we will get a clearer picture of exactly where things are at her neurology appt next week.
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how old is your mother?
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My 67 year old spouse is stage 7 after 8 years. Age can be irrelevant
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My DW has become very adept at only contributing enough to a conversation to keep the other person talking. I am no longer aware of what she remembers unless I just directly ask her and I try to avoid that because she becomes anxious and depressed.
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Doctors don’t like to discuss stages. This tool will help.
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I suggest that you visit your mom in person and assess her living situation. How is she getting food? Check the refrigerator for expired food. Is she driving? Don't rely on her self reporting, look around yourself.
Iris
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You are right about doctors not wanting to stage dementia. I have a copy of the DBAT by my desk and pull it out every so often. In spite of what the doctors, as a caretaker I find staging helpful in not only dealing with DH in the here and now, but preparing for the next step.
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Same here,, Stan2. In ordinary chit chat with the kids, you would never know anything is amiss.
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My Mom (78) has been staying with us since my Dad was hospitalized in late February. I am heartbroken that my Dad essentially experienced a medical emergency some time prior to his hospitalization that my Mom was not able to recognize as an emergency. She had been driving - daily. Her interactions with my Dad and the family while my Dad was in the hospital made it very clear very quickly that it was not safe for her to live independently or drive. My daughter in law (who graduates her psych NP program this Saturday and also recently lost her grandmother to dementia) was in complete agreement with my observations. My Mom has not been happy about it. She went from a score of 22 on a MoCA on April 1, 2024 to a score of 6 on a SAGE test (I know, apples and oranges but it was what I had available and nothing less than shocking) that I let her take during one of our all too frequent ‘I can drive’ discussions. Hearing that she can not live alone or drive from her PCP seems to have been helpful. She also gave her homework - to visit AL/MC facilities and go to the neurology appt that I set up for her next week. The SAGE test and being with her 24/7 for over 2 months now have been eye opening. She seems to be deteriorating very quickly. I can see a difference from 2 months ago to now - she looks much more disheveled, obvious confusion, she is sleeping a lot more, basically unable to follow anything with a plot on TV, etc. I’m blown away that she seems to have changes in her vision, too - she doesn’t see things if they aren’t in her direct line of vision. She went from 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye. I have such guilt about my Dad’s condition in his last days. I should have been listening more. A cautionary tale for couples resistant to placing a LO for sure. You never know what can happen.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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