Top three

persevere · May 16

Just wondering what phrase ( besides I love you) you all use the most with your LO with dementia. Here’s my top 3:

You hungry?
What are you breaking? ( when I hear something crash in another room)
Watch your head! (as she walks with her eyes half closed and head down)

Hey, it’s Friday night

Chance Rider · May 16

I think top of my list is:

What are you looking for? If he doesn’t remember the word for whatever it is, I can usually figure it out by what he says.

Next would be: Will you walk Axel? Our acreage is completely fenced and he’s safe with my German shepherd. It gets him away from the TV, a bit of exercise and exposure to sunshine/natural light.

Lastly: Have you taken your pills this morning? Evening? As I actually check to ensure he has.

Not only was yesterday Friday, but it was the beginning of a long weekend of respite!! My stepson picked up his father for a stay with him and his family. Husband is early stage 5 so overnight visits still work (with close supervision).

My “respite” involves me being able to work on things that agitate/anger my husband, cleaning his room, clearing out 26 years of his accumulated junk from the garage. You know… fun stuff! Not.

eligius · May 16

lift your head. ( to conb her hair)
are you done? ( when on toilet)

drink your water (after every meal)

Biggles · May 16

What a fabulous enlightening question ‘persevere’.

Because my DH has Aphasia speech for us is hard and after a lot of lovely thought this is typically how we communicate especially first thing in the morning - musically. Good morning I love you comes first then,

🎶😮”good morning, good morning, it’s great to stay out late, good morning, good morning to you” - Gene Kelly & Debie Reynalds version

as we make our way out onto the front deck with coffee to watch the sun come up (especially after a hard night and an early start)

then the question

3. Ready for breakfast?

Thank you that was a lovely exercise. The songs vary but when I hear the song in my head, sing a line or two then I find it on my iphone and play the tune with all the words. It starts the day off gently and reminds me of how much we can still share and how much I care.

Ed's mom · May 16

What are you talking about?
Could you stop yelling?
What do you want for supper?

We're in the arguing, denial stage, just starting this fantastic voyage. I hope she can hear my "I love you" but there's too much anger right now. I know some of you have had your LO go this path and understand. I'm tired already, it can only get easier as she accepts this, it really can't get harder than someone who is aware of what's happening and fighting everyone trying to keep it away. I hope for kinder responses inthe future.

howhale · May 16

Gosh, what an interesting question. I cannot recall what my answers would have been before I lost her. All I can recall now are:

I love you, I love you, I love you

Can I hold your hand

Can I kiss your cheek

persevere · May 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/272527#Comment_272527

that’s really sweet biggles

Kat63 · May 16

I like this thread…. My DH is early stage 7.

Thank you. It might be my DH has taken a dish out of the cabinet and put it on a chair. I just say “thank you” and then put it back in the cabinet. Repeat multiple times a day with a variety of items. Just saying thank you has become second nature.
Sit down please. Have to tell him to sit down to eat or dress him and I do so with hand gestures and it still takes multiple tries before he will actually sit down.
Put it in your mouth. Again saying it with gestures. Do this with food, medicines etc.

blacksparky · May 16

Mine are:

Take your pills(as I make a moving hand gesture moving my hand to my mouth.)

Are you done yet? She sits on the toilet until I ask her.
You’re OK I’m here , you’re safe I love you.

Bowerbird · May 16

I am enjoying this thread as well. My DH is in Memory Care

1.) I love you (A Bushel and a Peck and a Hug Around the Neck…Doris Day) The only time he giggles is when I sing this phrase

2.) Are you warm enough?

3.) Should we walk down to the dining room for lunch?

Maru · May 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76053/top-three

Can I help you with that?

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. (He uses so many wrong words that sometimes its hard to figure out what he is saying)

It's time for lunch. (He forgets to eat lunch)

howhale · May 16

Just reading these entries pours out love. What we do for our loved one that is usually unseen is so touching, loving, sensitive and caring. Reading them just brings on the tears now that I cannot say them anymore. Do it, say it, love it, enjoy it regardless of how hard it is. You will want to be able to do it again somewhere down the road.

jgreen · May 16

Thank you, @persevere A great thread!

Mine are

Help me understand…… (when DH starts a sentence and leaves a big gap and then finishes his thought)
I got you! (Kind of like @blacksparky does)
It’s morning/afternoon/night and I love you! (I make sure I stay it every day!)
I also do a lot of “Mmm-hmmm’s” or “that’s interesting” as his stories are becoming more and more confabulated! He was in New Zealand yesterday - NOT!

persevere · May 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/272578#Comment_272578

I got you. I definitely say that a lot

Jeff H · May 17

"Are you hungry" is a big one. It keeps my DW happy if she is hungry. (this is key to reduce aggression and agitation)
"Do you have to go to the bathroom?"
"What can I help you with?"

[Deleted User] · May 17

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Biggles · May 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/272541#Comment_272541

Ha ha another musical nut I love A bushel and a peck - it’s another one of my favourites to play and sing ❤️

Goodlife2025 · May 17

Great opportunity to stop and check in with myself; thanks Persevere.

Someone else on this site mentioned once that their spouse had a reduced vocabulary of maybe 300-400 words per day. This is our experience as DW hardly speaks anymore but currently;

1)My DW asks me multiple times a day. If I'm okay? I usually stop and respond I'm okay, are you okay. To which she doesn't respond but smiles and goes about her way.

2)Where are we going? Any and multiple times when we are traveling down the road lately.

3) And after nearly every interaction with people or animals she will turn to me and let me know they are are a good boy/girl. Or if she is remembering a person from her past she will say it. I think it is her way of staying engaged socially.

Sunfish47 · May 17

For us it’s: 1. Are you hungry? 2. Do you have to pee? 3. Do you want to take a nap? 4. Do you want to watch tv? 🤣😂

tonyac2 · May 18

Do you want to get up?
You’re OK.
I love you.

howhale · May 18

Wish others outside our group here could see and read what you post to get some sense of the passion, love, patience you freely give to the one you care for. You are truly the hidden heroes of this terrible disease for whom the world is just now coming to recognize. This is love in its purest form, given for free, without expectation of acclaim, 24/7 with no holidays or days off, changing minute by minute in many cases and judging yourself all the way for never feeling you have done enough or did it right.

trottingalong · May 18

Are you ok? (Has COPD and is weak and confused)

How about something to eat

How about let’s get you up for a bit.

Timmyd · May 20

are you ok?

Where does it hurt?

Finish your (whatever food I prepared for DW)

Carl46 · May 20

Let me help with that.

Come with me.

Let's take our medicine.

Here I am.

You look pretty today.

Want some chicken/salad/eggs/ice cream? (I didn't ask her what she wanted to eat, because she couldn't think of it. I knew what she liked and made suggestions.)

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