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Preparing for someone to take my place

6isenough
6isenough Member Posts: 16
10 Comments 25 Care Reactions First Anniversary
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I cannot care for my husband. I am ill myself and I am not able to be a good companion. I can barely take care of daily tasks like cooking, housekeeping and trying to manage both my husbands illness and my own.

My husband tries to help but often he doesn’t have the skills to do simple things anymore. He looks to me for guidance. When I ask him to do something, he rarely can follow the instructions I give him.

I am aware that I could be looking for some outside help. I cannot do it. Our home is not dirty but it is a mess. My husband buys things and they pile up. He doesn’t have any real interest once he has his purchases. He has agreed to hire a daily money manager. She will now be taking over as DPOA for his financial decisions. I can’t reason with him and I don’t want an argument.


My husband became eligible for SSDI in September of last year. He currently has private pay health insurance. He also has a long term disability insurance policy from his employer. If I can manage to stay for 5 more months, I believe he can apply for Medicare and the home care I want him to have (no care facilities yet) will pay for some of it.


My question is what I can do about making sure our dogs stay here with him? Has anyone had home care come in and had pets included in the caregivers responsibilities?


I have no income of my own or I would try to keep my dogs. I really don’t want my husband to lose them. He enjoys them so much.

Comments

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 542
    500 Likes 500 Care Reactions 500 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    It is hard to make the needed decisions when you are mentally and physically drained. Call the Alzheimer's help line, the Regional crisis line, Area agency on caring, all the people mentioned above and anyone else that you can think of. If they can't help ask them who can. It may be very frustrating making the calls and you will probably get the run around, but you should be able to find some kind of solution that is livable. There probably is no great solution but there is one that is livable. All this is very overwhelming but you can work through it if you take one day at a time. Don't put off taking care of yourself

  • jen ht
    jen ht Member Posts: 235
    100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments Second Anniversary
    Member

    Hi @6isenough Please do call the helpline.

    24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900

    I have done so several times and they were very helpful and kind to me. Personalized responses are key when the going gets VERY tough.

    Also listed at the bottom of this page so if you are viewing on your phone you can easily connect.

    Hold on and make the call.

    With compassion,

    jht 💜

  • howhale
    howhale Member Posts: 396
    500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    I left some resources posted in a thread titles Caregiver Resources which you might contact for guidance and help also.

  • 6isenough
    6isenough Member Posts: 16
    10 Comments 25 Care Reactions First Anniversary
    Member

    hello all who have responded to my post since May 15. I spent the afternoon in the hospital emergency room. I had to leave my husband at home unattended with our dogs because he refuses to allow anyone to come to help us. Except my daughter how has to work and has health issues that require surgery and several weeks of physical therapy soon.

    I have been experiencing heart racing, breathlessness, sweating, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, dizziness and severe nausea and fatigue. This is on top of the symptoms that I suffer from frequently from my lupus, mixed connective tissue disease, RAYNAUDS, and Sjorgrens and the fact that I am currently not on any treatment for any of these diseases because I have run out of options due to a variety of reasons. I take a a prednisone dose pack only when I have to.

    What finally made me decide that I had to go to get checked out was an incident two days ago. I had cognitive problems. I burned 2 meals. I threw away dishes while I was cleaning the kitchen. I had severe head pain and numbness on my right side. I had trouble seeing/focusing close up and at a distance. I chose to try to ignore it because I didn’t have anyone to help with my husband if I decided to go to the hospital.

    who does that? Only a caregiver that has not been able to access any help. I can’t get my husband to agree to have someone come to take him out for some recreational exercise. I can’t get my husband to understand that if I can’t be here, he will be at the mercy of strangers.

    He has DPOA’s for his financial needs and his healthcare needs. They are constantly asking ME FOR HELP. I was hoping that they could relieve me of some of the stress of dealing with his issues.

    Autoimmune diseases and stress Do NOT MIX. TODAY I know that I am not of dying from cardiac failure or stroke but that just rules out a couple of things. The ER doctor said that I very well could have had a mini stroke but that I should have been seen within a 24 hour window if it was to be diagnosed with a CT scan.

    I have been “feeling” like I don’t have any options. I don’t want anything but to be able to know that my husband will be cared for and I can just try and take my dogs and salvage whatever might be left of my life.

    I don’t want any of my husband’s money. I only want the things that my mother left me. I don’t have an income but after the last 3 years, I am sure I can work a 10 hour day and feel okay.

  • jgreen
    jgreen Member Posts: 513
    500 Likes 500 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    Dear @6isenough

    Please call the Alzheimer’s Association hotline at 800.272.3900. I feel you need to speak at length with an experienced counselor about your situation.

    God bless and watch over you!

  • annie51
    annie51 Member Posts: 816
    500 Likes 500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions 500 Comments
    Member

    I agree with @jgreen - call the Alzheimer’s Association hotline. You have so much going on at one time you need some expert advice.

    Sending hugs and prayers!

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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