Adjusting to MC

Please remember that you are trying to keep your mom safe. Doing so means you are having to make some of the most difficult decisions of your life. Please start writing down when you see the dementia. Then, when you second guess yourself, pull the list out, read, and keep going.

It's very good that you have a good clinical team in place. I could be wrong as it's been over five years, but a neurologist likely won't be able to pinpoint exactly what type of dementia. From behaviors and cognitive testing via a neuro psychologist, a probable diagnosis can be made. My mom was also thought to have had mixed.

I tried so hard to involve my mom in the sale of her townhome in a kind way. The carpet had pet stains, so I had to have that replaced, and I went through hoops to beg a carpet place to allow me to take samples into her memory care. Looking back, I should not have involved her. She didn't understand the dementia, she didn't understand she was living in memory care, and she didn't realize the doors were locked. It took me awhile, but I eventually realized that her peace and calm was of utmost importance and bringing up her home was the opposite of that.

My mom was also hugely concerned about finances. She begged me to bring her file cabinet of all her statements to her room. Obviously I couldn't do that so I brought the boxes to my house to allow her to go through them. When the day came, and she sat on my couch, she didn't get past one piece of paper. She couldn't. She could no longer understand what it all meant.

Every situation is different so I can't tell you exactly what to do but I thought sharing my experiences may help. Please hang in there.

In time, my dad forgot about his condo. I struggled as well with not involving him. I vowed I would never just pack up his whole life with him just sitting 4 minutes down the road. But in the end, that’s exactly what I had to do. Two years later I can barely think about it. Luckily it happened early enough that my dad was able to somewhat understand what was happening and at one point even told me I had to sell it.

My dad showed some similar behaviors, asking how much was this costing and wanting to tip his caregivers. I too worried about him wanting to go to the condo and we have actually driven by his complex several times and he never said a word which also breaks my heart. We found a wonderful RCF in his same neighborhood and I’m glad we did because when he does go out it’s all familiar to him, he enjoys seeing the sights. we can get him all his favorite foods, etc. But I understand your concern.

It’s simply going to take time. Two months is still early. You can try fiblets (Medicare pays for it, the doctor says you need to be here for awhile, etc.). Visit unannounced so she’s not waiting for you. Time your visits around activities or a meal so she’s more easily distracted. As she continues to settle in and gets to know her caregivers, the memories will start to fade and she’ll come to see the MC as home. I wish I had more answers for you.