Transitioning Colorado to Illinois

How are you getting them to Illinois? My spouse and I attempted to move Mom and step-dad from southern Alabama to Illinois. Stubborn Step-dad bailed at the last minute ( as in the movers were coming in an hour). He showed up in Illinois three days later ( he was still driving and had retained possession of the car). We moved mom, and the movers did their thing too.
If you are driving them - you need three people besides them. My spouse and I were barely enough to move mom. I would take her to the bathroom while he was getting gas or going to the bathroom himself. Then I would hand her off to him and go to the bathroom myself. Mom was so out of it ( she turned out to have an undiagnosed UTI) that we couldn’t leave her alone for one minute. She thought we were lost and was anxiety ridden all day. The doctor had given us medication to keep her calm for the trip, We spent the night in a motel, put her in the bed furthest from the door and put a chair under the door handle because we were afraid she’d wander. Mom tried to open the truck door at highway speed because she wanted to take the dog for a walk. Trying to take two on without extra help will be very difficult.

I moved my mom 400 miles to be closer to me. I put out some vague statements before I got to her place about her coming with me for a visit in my town. Once we were at her place, I did tell her that she was moving to stay near me. She started calling old friends and distant family (went through her address book) to tell them she was moving against her will. I got a few interesting phone calls! Her packing was a disaster but I intercepted the useless items and made sure we had clothes, meds (get a 3 month supply if you can - it may take time to establish tgem with new doctors and pharmacies and maybe even insurance in the new area) important documents, most treasured photos, etc.

I was afraid she'd flat out refuse to get in the car, but she got in, along with her cat in his carrier (medicated, as we knew of his habit of wailing on the way to the vet - I wasn't about to listen to that for 400 miles). My husband and son were with me, and the trip wasn't too bad. I think that it would have been much harder if Id been alone with her. The presence of two males kept her in line.

We'd made arrangements to board the cat for the few days that mom stayed at our house before moving into her AL room - we had a young dog who goes wild when she sees a cat in the neighborhood. Mom was super confused at my house, didn't recognize it although she had visited many times. When we finally got her and kitty moved into AL, she actually settled down fairly quickly. She followed the published daily schedule like it was a job requirement. The structure was great for her at that stage. I realized how difficult it had been for her to manage life alone in her home. It was a challenge but absolutely the right thing to move her near me.

If the doctor is requiring him to sign to ‘permit’ treatment, I dont see way you cannot have him sign DPOA to one of you. Just a thought.

You will have to go to court to apply for guardianship of your dad since he cannot sign to appoint you DPOA. Posters here have said that you can reimburse yourself for the cost of filing from his money once you get the guardianship approved. Guardianship does require you documenting your actions annually ( court oversight).

@HavenD

Your plan sounds well thought out. Making it a vacation road trip is brilliant!

Some abbreviations, acronyms and euphemisms for you—

POA— power of attorney. There are also DPOA (durable— continues beyond loss of capacity) and SPOA (springing version which needs physician's statement of incapacity)

TKR— total knee replacement

SSA— Social Security Adminsitration

AL— hospitality-model assisted living

MCF— higher acuity memory care facility/unit which is typically secure (locked)

55+ community/apartment— age-restricted housing that doesn't offer medical or custodial services

CCRC— a community that typically offers independent, assisted, memory care and skilled nursing on one campus offering a range of care a person can access as their needs change.

FL, MD, PA— official United States Postal Codes for Florida, Mayland and Pennsylvania

HTH (hope this helps)

HB (Harshed Buzz)