Both FTD and AD

Geot · May 24

Last August my DW was diagnosed with both FTD and AD. In the last few weeks she has repeatedly identified me as her dead father and is very comfortable with it but very upset as to where her husband has gone…usually says he is off with his buddy who she does not know the name of. Yesterday she was doing a wash of clothes and looked at me and said, "when did you get back, I'm washing my father's clothes, and he has some shorts and shirts that look just like yours do you know where he got them". This morning she still thinks I am her father and ask if I know where her husband went. When I am her husband, she tells me all the things her father did the day or night before, like fixing dinner, using my computer, going through the mail, wearing my clothes, etc. It is exhausting playing the role of her father and then on a moment later her husband. All of this seems to be getting worse by the day.

Just venting…but hanging in there.

blacksparky · May 24

I’m called everything but husband. Some days I’m her dad, other days I’m her brother or old boyfriend. I ask her if she is married and she says no. Such a strange disease.

Lethe · May 24

Geot, I just read Travelors to unimaginable Lands:Stories of Dementia. The caregiver, and the Human Brain. By Dasha Kiper
One of the stories is about a woman who would meet her husband (with dementia) at a resturant for dinner and the he would end the meal by saying “now you will go to your home and I will go to mine”. She would dash out home making sure he was headed in the right direction and he’d enter later saying “hi honey” not realizing they had just had dinner together. Then later in the evening he would not recognize her and tell her to leave.
Anyway the book is interesting and informative and compassionate to caregivers and I highly recommend it.
You are dealing with the “unimaginable” by hanging in there which is all any of us can do.

Geot · May 25

Lethe…I will look for that book..Thank you…I am so appreciative for everyone here for all the support. My DW got up this morning recognizing me again as her father and immediately said she was hoping for her husband to be here and maybe with his wife….then she said do you know if he had any children….what a way to start the day…but I'm hanging in there….probably by a thread.

Geot · May 25

blacksparky ..So for my DW wife she only recognizing me as her dead father. I can't imagine how it would be as multiple people. My DW's neurologist put her on memantine and Seroquel. At her last visit the neurologist ask me if the meds were working….I couldn't answer that question because I really didn't know what "working" really meant…were there any really big changes…NO! At this point I don't think any meds for this disease make any really big differences.

harshedbuzz · May 25

@Geot

I had a friend who cared for her mom at home until the very end. She had a couple of HHAs who provided some respite hours; mom's favorite one was especially good at getting mom to shower and change her clothes. As time went on, mom started to confuse the aide and her daughter. When daughter would return home, mom was happy to see her as "her favorite nurse" and tell her all about how she'd like to introduce her to her daughter (who she always described glowingly) because they were sure to become fast friends.

My aunt with dementia always thought I was my mom. Even if I was visiting with my mom. Her mind traveled in time; the first time it happened she thought she was living in the married student dorms at Rutgers "after the war".

I don't think this has anything to do with affection or closeness. Dad and I never had an easy relationship, but he always knew who I was. He recognized my son but referred to my husband of 35 years as "the guy Harshed is shack up with".

HB

Both FTD and AD

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